Researchers' Roundtable

It's nice seeing little elementary kids with hope gleaming in their eyes... I can't remember myself being so cheery as a young girl. But ahh well!

By the way: I am having a bad hair day. Or week, whatever you want to call it. Maybe even month. Growing out bangs is really hard, especially since I've always had them.


^With Rudester!


^Haha, another friend~

In another news, I got into the invitational round for NACLO! It's a linguistics-engineering competition... Haha, more fun for me, I guess. Oh boy^^ I just feel so busy nowadays, scurrying to finish up IAs, balancing tennis and orchestra and poetry interpretation...

Not to mention college scholarship applications... HKU is my dream school, thanks to my father's influence, haha~

Now for the major question... Would I really be willing to move halfway across the globe?

Well, why not. Life is one huge adventure waiting to be written out! I want to see new people, eat new food, try new things, speak new languages...

Streets Paved With Gold

I was walking down the streets of Hong Kong, and money began to fall from the sky... I caught as much as I could, stuffing them in my pockets, in my shirt, in my shoes, and even trying to EAT them.

Then I began dancing around happily, and nobody was looking at me like I was crazy or anything... They just kept passing by without even a second glance, and they were all ignoring the money too.

In the middle of my celebration, I accidentally stumbled and fell back on somebody. YH pushed me back lightly, grabbed some of the money out of my hand, and began laughing.

He said, "How could an old granny like you be so happy about something as petty as money?" because he used to always tease me about acting old. And then he took my hand and said, "Let's spend all of it."

At first, I refused to go with him because I didn't want to let go of the money after having just caught it... but after a few more minutes of coercing and persuasion, I suddenly thought, "What the hell," and we both ran down the street, laughing.

It was a lot of fun. We went to buy clothes, CDs, DVDs, and books... Just a lot of material things.

At the very end, he took me to an area far from the city, where we kneeled down and began praying at the altar. Only he was praying though; I was really giddy and excited and couldn't stop giggling, which made him get really impatient at me.

Then I threw the remaining money at Amitabha Buddha and declared, "There! You can take it all! I left nothing for myself!"

YH was really pleased at this, and he kissed me on the forehead. I was crying though... not about giving the money away - I don't mind that so much, but about something else, I think...

Anyway, it was all just a really weird dream. But it was nice too, I had a lot of fun in it, even if some of the details are a little vague and blurry... I feel like I could write a poem or short story inspired by it...

Science Fair

Just today, I found out how small my world really had been... There were over 900 projects in this regional Science Fair, and many were so impressive... I am so tiny. I felt so humbled, but couldn't admit defeat to the other students around...

I was really disappointed at first because I came so clearly unprepared (due to lack of experience and a proper guide), but Mr. M was right. I should be proud of one thing - this investigation had been 100% my own ideas and effort, with no outside help from teachers or parents. Not a lot of other kids could say the same. My own mom didn't even come with me into the building, while everybody else had their parents setting up their stands...

The truth is, no matter what, I still paled in comparison to the TRULY supreme kids.


The world is wide, my dear readers... There are so many good, intelligent people out there. Why are you unsatisfied with your life? Why do you mope around about your own failures? If you are sad, you can always do something about it. Improve yourself. Get out there, know other people - and then you can know yourself as well. You can become the type of person you've always respected, you can surround yourself by good influence, and you can be happy, no matter how badly you have failed yourself, or how badly somebody has failed you.

The Sadness

Thinking of you I lean over silent water
this head
appears
the earth turns
the sky has no motion
one by one my eyelashes free themselves
and fall
and meet themselves for the first time
the last time

-W.S. Merwin, 1970

Still

Haha... I'm still waiting for something that won't ever happen... I've been in such a lively mood for a while, why not? Playing tennis is fun. Playing violin can be fun. Studying history and chemistry can be fun. Talking to new people is fun. Cooking for old friends is fun.

But... I realized just now that I should give up on you... You aren't going to suddenly pop up and talk to me ever again... I can not go up and talk to you ever again... Most importantly, we will never be together again...

It won't stop me from continuing to live the life I love though... I guess I'm just disappointed at this false illusion I've created for myself^^

Tennis Tournament

Oh! I forgot to update about the results^^ We won two games and lost one...

First game: WON with 6-2
Second game: WON with 6-4
Third game: LOST with 1-6 :(

Gahhh I hate losing... but this was my first tournament, and it was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it~ And I learned more about the tennis team in general^^

Not to mention... haha, I've never excelled so naturally in a sport before. I did play basketball and volleyball in middle school before, but I was always just placed on B team, just average. This time, I'm being placed upon the higher ranks and everybody is praising me on catching up so quickly... Maybe my experience in ping-pong helped a lot. But... I feel so welcome and accepted, which is really nice.

However, I did get sunburned really badly though... Everybody kept asking me why I was so red. Sw even thought I was blushing today because I received a late rose for Valentine's Day! Haha, so stupid... I hate my permanently-blushing face right now.

Real Love Story

I will love you, I'll love you, I'll love you...
-Valentine, Kina Grannis

YH wasn't my first love, but he was the best person I had ever known. For him, I had felt the deepest respect and admiration, and a very pure, unselfish type of love. I became a better person around him.

For the longest time, I felt betrayed because he had never told me what he had been going through... but I have forgiven him now. I believe that it was fate that led us to be coworkers, neighbors, best friends, and soulmates. Guanyin sent me to him because she knew we both needed each other.

I will see him again in another lifetime... I am not a romantic, but I believe that true love stories never end. And so even though I am sad very often when I think about him, I am also happy that he left behind so many memories and lessons in my life.

Valentine's Day is about love, right? So if your loved one is still here, please cherish him or her... If your loved one isn't, then just remember him fondly and forgive him for all his mistakes. And continue to love him, and live well.

Donated Blood Today~

There's not a place
That your love don't affect me, baby
So don't ever change
I crossed the globe when I'm with you, baby
-International Love, Pitbull feat. Chris Brown

^There's my badge of honor~ haha.

To Someone Who Will Never Read This

Sometimes... I forget what an awful person I can be...

I hadn't thought about him in a while, but just now I had a really bad dream and he was in it. Normally, I would just disregard a dream, but this one made me realize something.

I will probably never apologize directly to my ex-boyfriend because there is no way I can ever look him in the eye again, but the truth is, I'm really sorry for the way I treated him. And not just the way I treated him, but also the way I treated myself. I acted very much like an object for everyone, reveling in the attention - except when it came to his feelings.

At the time, I couldn't deal with a relationship... and I should've warned him before I said yes, but I didn't. It's not entirely my fault, I think he couldn't deal with it either, but that just means neither of us should've been together. We should've waited until that infatuation passed, and then just continue on with our lives.

Argh... I'm really sorry for letting my former oppa and best friend down... and not being able to understand until now. I must've created a lot of trouble for him...

We all move on with our lives, and it doesn't matter anymore - he may never forgive me, or hopefully he's forgotten. Just... I suddenly feel so ashamed of everything I had ever done. I wish it had been another lifetime ago, then I would've had an excuse but I can't help thinking that... another person would've been so disappointed in me if he had known too.

So Stupid

It's fine if you don't want to do anything or feel like you don't have an obligation, but do you honestly have to make my life more stressful too? I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PETTY PROBLEMS. There, I said it. It's always made me feel like a bad friend, the fact that I'm not good with people complaining about their personal problems, but the truth is, I have a lot of things to be concerned about, and I don't want to be troubled by anything else.

I don't even understand why people "just need a friend" to vent to sometimes. I do my "freaking out" internally, because I would never want anybody to see this horrible side of me... If they do, I always feel so ashamed and embarrassed afterwards. Yes, I have emotions, but I understand that there are times when it's appropriate to express them and times when you just need to focus.

So I really want to tell people to just get their life straight! If you complain about it, it's not going to help at all, it'll just make you sulk. If you really want to be happy, then you have to put up an appearance, act happy even when you're not, get your work done even when you don't want to, etc.

And stop moping about how your boyfriend/girlfriend dumped you or your friends aren't talking to you anymore - GET OVER IT. They don't really love you then, they aren't your real friends then, whatever! Why does it matter? Sheesh.

And most importantly - if you promise to do something that will affect the entire group, then do it!! If you don't mind failing, you can fail by yourself - I don't care! But I do care if my grade is going to go down as well. If you know you aren't going to contribute, then DON'T SAY YOU WILL. Because I will believe you and think you have actually done it and let you finish it up.

It doesn't matter... After all, friendship cannot dissipate so quickly. But I don't trust myself to talk until I'm not angry anymore... I will probably say something hurtful that I'll regret later on... For now, I'm just pretending I've got everything covered even without their help. I'm not the type to really yell or show hateful emotions anyway, even though I really am absolutely furious.

7 Most Attractive Qualities in a Guy

I was inspired by a friend's list, and decided to share my own. It's kind of hard, because I've only ever liked two guys in my entire life. But I do have some definite guidelines that may be helpful to other insight, and here goes!

1. A person who respects tradition. This doesn't necessarily mean a guy who worships ancient deities or cooks using a fire; but if somebody is able to appreciate classical music or literature, that immediately catches my attention. It's also important that he accepts his cultural background, loves his family very much, and will not pressure me for pre-marital sex (because I'm Buddhist).
2. A person of modesty and integrity. He is secure with himself and doesn't feel a need to constantly brag or show-off. He is also consistent with his actions, and treats everybody the same way in public as he would in private, and vice versa.
3. A person with either big eyes, hollowed cheeks, or a nice jawline. I will admit, I am shallow. If I ever take somebody seriously, he must have one of these three traits!! A person's physical state will always change, but his face won't... so if I'm going to be looking at that face for the rest of my life, it better be decent-looking.
4. A person who is not flirty, i.e. touching often. Flirty guys seem very immature and silly; they bore me. And when people touch me, they just annoy me - especially if it's someone I don't know well. I really dislike being hugged, and so I'm more scared of a guy touching me too much than him touching other girls.
5. A person who is talented and intelligent. These types of guys stand out in the crowd. I would never want to be with somebody who is below my level, or even just average. Intelligence is very attractive, and I think if that person excels in another field - like tennis, or the violin, or even singing - he looks even better.
6. A person who is carefully maintained and diligent. The only type of person I can respect are the hard-working ones. If somebody looks sharp, even if he is not that good-looking naturally, he still somehow appeals to me. I believe that dignity is also something very important; not excessive pride, but the ability to do something without getting maudlin or histrionic.
7. A person who always thinks ahead. No matter how wonderful a person is, that won't mean much to me if he constantly gives in to spontaneity and doesn't consider whether or not the time and place is appropriate. I like it when somebody has goals and ambitions for his future, even more so if he's very sure about them.

The most important thing, however - a person who has not wronged me. Because the minute I discovered that I have been betrayed or turned against, it is extremely easy to disregard all of these good qualities... I have never understood why people get heartbroken. To me, indifference comes so naturally when I discover that a person is not really the person I thought he was. He is no longer appealing, just pathetic. It's stupid how some people whine about being dumped or cheated on. Why would you even want somebody like that?! Haha.
My rule has always been that if a guy doesn't have the last trait, and at least five out of the seven other traits, I would never consider him because he wouldn't be able to hold my love long enough~ haha, love and respect are the two things that I give very rarely... That, and a guy should always be both older and taller than the girl he's dating.
That is all. If you would like to make a list of your own, feel free to! Tata~

Culture Night

Yay for celebrating multiculturalism~ Haha, I'll probably edit back with even more pictures, but here are just a few for today.

Whew, I feel so swamped with work but accomplished at the same time. I managed to finish everything up by 9:20 PM!! That's what you call time management skills!

^Representing China~ Loh and Wei!!

^China in between Germany and El Salvador~ haha, I felt a little silly wearing a Chinese waitress qipao, but oh well! People seemed to enjoy it, and I was proud of representing my culture.

^My Polish sister and best friend~ hehe.

North Park Mall

Me encantaria que sepas que lo siento por ti
Que no daria porque fueras solo para mi...
-Me Gustas Tanto, Paulina Rubio

Well, today was pretty fun!! I haven't been shopping at the mall for a long time, let alone with friends... So just going to the stores where the "young people" often frequent was quite refreshing.

H&M, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Sephora... wow. How could I ever forget how much I like window shopping/逛街?

^Lohniqua and... Erin..? Haha. Lohniqua has such big eyes and can look nice even without makeup... Typical pretty Chinese girl -_- haha.

^Lohniqua, me, and Jelly! Ms, one of my closest friends, came with us too, but she was being a little camera-shy today...