Just a Feeling;;

Hmm... so troublesome...

I am not a very good person. I don't know what others want from me, and I don't care, because I'm selfish and only live to please myself. Maybe I didn't mean to hurt you, but I did anyway. What's done is done. Please don't expect an apology...

I am so sick of others relying on me for their happiness... If you want friendship, I offer that freely. But don't expect anything else from me. I'm not quite capable of that.

Sometimes, I feel like YH was the only one who truly understood and accepted me - the greedy, shallow money-mongerer that I am, trying to be humble but actually just very proud. He knew I wasn't patient, that I am quick to judge and criticize, that I can be surprisingly cold and indifferent, and he still gave me respect and affection. THAT is why I really loved him, and probably still do.

But anyway... I am not angry at anyone at all, I do not hate anyone in my life. Life is too short to waste away, too pointless to care that much about others... I have a lot of things I want to get done, and I don't know how much longer I will stay in this world, so don't beg for my attention please - I will be nice to you anyhow, pretend I don't know anything - and keep your focus on your ambitions, your dreams.

With love,
Erin.