Brands I'd Recommend

A list of good cosmetic/skincare/haircare brands I'd recommend~ sending out that "go green!" message whenever I can!! Even if some are the brands aren't quite organic, they're still better than that chemical-laden crap some people put on their skin. Haha.

Along with the brand, I've included the products I've used from them before, and my rating and maybe a few notes.

• Organix
• Coconut Milk Anti-Breakage Serum - 4/5 stars. Said to help repair damaged hair, mend split ends and frizziness, promote longer hair, reduce everyday damage, add strength and elasticity. Has coconut oil, silk and keratin proteins. Smells really good, feels nice too! Does indeed smooth out hair.
• 
• Garnier Fructis
• Pure Clean Finishing Paste - 3/5 stars. Said to give 24-hr definition to layers and no stickiness. No silicones, dyes, or parabens. This one smells good too, and did accentuate and texturize short hair, but as my hair is growing out I find that it's gradually getting less effective.
• 
• Yes To Carrots
• Yes To Cucumbers Soothing Daily Gentle Cleanser - 2/5 stars. Claims to deep clean for sensitive skin. 96% natural ingredients. It feels smoothing as you apply, but it's just an ehh product. No amazing outcomes, but it didn't make me break out either. It feels the same as using regular soap, but my skin feels dirty again in a short amount of time.
• Yes To Tomatoes Clear Skin Daily Clarifying Cleanser - 3/5 stars. Says it'll maintain your skin's pH balance while removing excess oil and impurities. 96% natural ingredients. I liked the feeling, but like the cucumber one, the clean feeling really doesn't last very long.
• Alba Botanica
• Natural Acnedote Deep Pore Wash - 4/5 stars. Said to dig deep into pores, unclog gunk, banish existing zits, prevent new ones. Has salicylic acid from Willow Bark Extract and is 100% vegetarian. I think it works, though the formula is a bit runny... but it's very refreshing and feels almost medicinal.
• 
• Natural Hawaiian Moisture Cream Smoothing Jasmine & Vitamin E - 4/5 stars. Said to provide intense nourishment, hydration, and softening without making skin greasy. Has vitamin E, jasmine, and papaya, is hypo-allergenic, and 100% vegetarian. I really love this product, which is especially helpful in the winter, and I use it every night on my dry areas - cheekbones, above the lips, etc. It feels really nice and gives sort of a clean glow. The smell is a little strong though, almost burning if you put it anywhere near your eyes.
• 
• Aveeno
• Positively Radiant Cleanser - 5/5 stars. Lifts away dirt, oil and makeup without overdrying skin. Has Soy extracts and is noncomedogenic and hypoallergenic. I use this every morning, and it feels gentle and doesn't strip away oils so my skin doesn't feel too dry.
• 
• Physicians Formula
• Organic Wear 100% Natural Origin Mascara - 4/5 stars. Claims to provide five times the amount of lash length, volume, and definition. 100% recyclable, completely free of harsh chemicals, dyes, and synthetics, and hypoallergenic. This product is super natural, and I love it. It defines the lashes (not so much in volume, and maybe a little change in length) and appears natural too, not ridiculously over the top like some other mascaras. It does smell a little bit like the natural goodiness of dirt though, and the formula takes a while to dry.
• 

WHAT I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND:

• TIGI
• Love Peace Planet Totally Beachin' Body & Waves Styling Mist - 1/5 stars. Supposed to act as a scrunching spray; has coconut water and sea kelp to nourish hair, pineapple and sea salt to add texture and body. 82% organic. It feels so uncomfortable; the smell is alright, very coconut-ish, but the sea salt completely counteracts the effects of coconut water and sea kelp. It seemed to look alright at first, but after a little while, my hair just got bigger and frizzier - not to mention how stripped it felt from the sea salt.
• 
• ABBA
• Pure Shine Spray - 2/5 stars. Said something about protecting hair and making it shinier as well. 100% vegan, with black mica pepper crystals. Smells so weird - just like pepper, but harsher. If I even spray twice in the same area, my hair gets greasy and limp. The oil is also dry, which is uncomfortable. No changes in glossiness or frizziness or shininess.

Just a Feeling;;

Hmm... so troublesome...

I am not a very good person. I don't know what others want from me, and I don't care, because I'm selfish and only live to please myself. Maybe I didn't mean to hurt you, but I did anyway. What's done is done. Please don't expect an apology...

I am so sick of others relying on me for their happiness... If you want friendship, I offer that freely. But don't expect anything else from me. I'm not quite capable of that.

Sometimes, I feel like YH was the only one who truly understood and accepted me - the greedy, shallow money-mongerer that I am, trying to be humble but actually just very proud. He knew I wasn't patient, that I am quick to judge and criticize, that I can be surprisingly cold and indifferent, and he still gave me respect and affection. THAT is why I really loved him, and probably still do.

But anyway... I am not angry at anyone at all, I do not hate anyone in my life. Life is too short to waste away, too pointless to care that much about others... I have a lot of things I want to get done, and I don't know how much longer I will stay in this world, so don't beg for my attention please - I will be nice to you anyhow, pretend I don't know anything - and keep your focus on your ambitions, your dreams.

With love,
Erin.

Still Feeling So Sick

Sally Hansen's Purple Diamond on my nails!

NHS Induction

Jelly signed me up for the volunteering thing, and then told me she couldn't make it today because she had work... I considered not going, but felt like one should always honor a promise made.

Anyway, I got a free dinner, so... why not? Haha.
But maybe I ate too much junk there... I felt kind of sick when I came back home... not to mention, somebody probably really hates me now. That's not always pleasant.

Senior Honors Breakfast

This morning we had Senior Honors Breakfast~ IB diploma candidate, Top 10%, Top 10~ My dad was very proud of me today, which was a really good feeling^^

^Up on stage with principal and assistant principal... They forgot to put the cords around me until I got up on the bleachers, haha.

^With my parents. Received IB Candidate stole, top 10% cords, and top ten medal!!

^P, A, and me... T photobombing us in the background.

^Just the Chinese girls... and T again haha.

15 Weird Facts

1. What's a nickname only your family calls you?
Ya Ya.
2. What's a weird habit of yours?
I like to collect and hoard things; lipsticks, old Pokemon cards, stamps, coins, etc.
3. Do you have any weird phobias?
I think Abraham Lincoln and Edgar Allan Poe look similarly scary - I hate looking at their portraits for too long, it freaks me out.

4. What's a song you secretly LOVE to blast and belt out when you're alone?
"Valentine" by Kina Grannis; I dance to it too!
5. What's one of your biggest pet peeves?
Someone crying to get attention.
6. What's one of your nervous habits?
I start talking with a noticeable Asian accent; it's especially bad during times when I have to present in front of the class.
7. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
It doesn't matter.
8. What was your first stuffed animal and its name?
I never named it, but this boy named Matthew once sent me a shaggy brown teddy bear... THAT was my first stuffed animal.
9. What's the drink you ALWAYS order at Starbucks?
I hardly ever go to Starbucks, but I would say it's the Caramel Frappuccino.
10. What's the beauty rule you preach... but never actually practice?
Don't brush your hair when it's wet^^
11. Which way do you face in the shower?
I face my shampoos and soap.
12. Do you have any weird body skills?
No, sorry!!
13. What's your favorite comfort food/food that's bad but you love to eat it anyways?
Mashed potatoes; LOL I'm such a fatty.
14. What's a phrase or exclamation you always say?
"No! Go away!"
15. Time to sleep - what are you actually wearing?
A tshirt and boxers.

Sugar Shoes

Bought these cute heels for about $25! Size 7 and quite comfortable. I love them.

Nonsensical Hauntings by a Former Mentor

wishing from the first to approach you with recognition
you have taught me without meaning and have raised me up
without talk or promise and again and again reappeared to me
unpronounceable and unchanging and unmistakable as a face

pushing yourself to occupy me to be more of me
who remains untouched in the silence through your passing
I try to hear you remembering that we are not separate
to find you who cannot be lost or elsewhere or incomplete

nature of the solitary loner interrupting the story
from the mind that maintained you and the hands that touched
the shadow of you in fine lines a long time ago
you for whom functions all existing good in this world
you to whom I have come with nothing but love
a purpose of my own as though it was something we shared
you that were pried away from our consultations and plans
taken by the lives that supposedly owed you nothing

let us be at peace with each other let peace be what is between us
and you who vanished now part of me has vanished as well
you who touched whatever I could touch at the beginning
and were how I touched and who remembered the sense of
when I thought I had forgotten it you in whom it waited
at the bottom of one unexplored unventured mountain
you who did as well as we could through our living hours
and helped undo the damage left behind that was me
finding my way back and who held the spirits and health
knew how to cheer me up in just the right way while taking in
my heartbeats so I can still feel them clearly long after they are gone
as though the movement of the crowd was still beside us
still chattering and your hand found mine in the shallows of waking
you who in a flicker of inattention signaled to me once only
that all was wrong my error telling me of the sudden blow
so that I looked down to see not you any longer but just the dark
calling after you who had already gone gone gone ahead
into the place I cannot know or reach or touch leaving
in your place only the fog of pain rising into the new day

yet as the pain recedes and the moment of it too
you remain with me even in the missing of you
whatever you had touched and had known and took with you
is with me now as you are when you are already there
a hidden part of me warning me reminding me
pointing to what I cannot see never letting me forget

you are my own book speaking to me going with me
all the way everywhere telling me what is still here

[Erin Wei]

Arranged Marriages

Just because a marriage is arranged doesn't mean it is loveless. After spending a whole lifetime with someone, it'll be very unlikely that love and affection doesn't come. Feelings are bound to develop after being with someone for so long, and I think that in a way, they might be even purer.

My grandparents on my dad's side were in something very similar to an arranged marriage. There were no matchmakers involved, but they didn't marry out of love. In Mao's communist China, their landlord families were condemned, and so they were both pretty much outcast and had no choice but to marry each other.

My grandfather has a more traumatic past than my grandmother: his family was also killed by the Japanese, and he suffered from malnutrition growing up. As a result, he doesn't really speak a lot and mostly communicates with grunts.

But anyway, my grandmother just left for China two days earlier - just as a vacation.

My grandfather waited the entire night for my grandmother to call him. When she finally did, he realized he didn't know how to pick up the call - literally. Haha, my grandparents are clueless when it comes to technology...

She called him again, and by that time, he understood how to pick up a call. When he answered, she laughed and said, "I just knew I would have to call you twice, you old man... You're too helpless without me around."

Their phone conversation was short and very practical, just asking questions about if they were sleeping well, eating well, no troubles, etc.

When they hung up, to my surprise my grandfather turned to me. He hardly ever talks to me since his Mandarin isn't very clear. He said: "This is the second time in my life ever that your grandmother has been separated from me. I miss her." After that, he just sat back down and resumed his painting.

In a strange sort of way, it was kind of touching. After talking to my grandmother, he seemed much happier. I had always assumed that he never really cared for her...

Hahaha

In Orchestra today, one of my best friends, MS, kept begging me to move to the other seat because there's this guy who seems to like her and he keeps tapping her on the shoulder and commenting on everything she says.

LOL it was sort of funny because I've been covering for her for two days now, and it's not like I enjoy sitting next to the guy either... so today I told her she had to deal with it^^ She seemed okay with it at first, and then she asked me to get my music.

I GOT JUICED.

She stole my seat! When I came back, my violin was now sitting next to the guy... BAHHH. The only reason why I tolerated this is because she is one of my best friends.

Me: "WHAT - HOW COULD YOU - you just juiced me! It's like the Gulf War all over again! You're Iraq, and I'm Iran!"

It was super stupid, but somehow it made a pun too, since my name sounds pretty similar to the country Iran...

Why am I such a gullible freak? My ears are still bleeding...

He writes so beautifully

I am so angry at myself, because I only saved half of the emails and letters he sent me... The chatting messages are long gone, since I got rid of my QQ... and I can't...

＂只有你在，我也在，你懂吗？不准忘真真爱你的人。＂

And then the way he used to always say, "Bie ji, bie ji" - as if that would prevent me from stressing out anyway^^ He knew I would freak out even more after hearing something like that, how evil... And all these chengyu he taught me... When I came back to the U.S, I continued to use them, and my parents were super impressed.

Haha... Sometimes, I miss my best friend so much. He was a good teacher too; I remember every word he said. I am incredibly selfish, and he was closed and quiet... A Byronic hero, maybe? Hahaha... and I am so, so average, and it is sad because he wasted his beautiful words on me. I couldn't even keep them...