A New Life

Today's conversation really confused me... but I think I'll figure it all out as I go along.

YH: The reason why I fell for you in the first place wasn't because you fooled me into thinking you were cute... I just liked you, everything about you.
Me: No, it doesn't work that way... From the moment I saw you, I knew I liked you way too much, it was out of control, not something I could handle... I was the one who liked you, every bit of you, instantly. I was the one who wanted to match up to you but never could.
YH: You never failed me at all! I don't know what you're talking about... The only one you're failing is yourself.

This will probably be the last conversation with him that I ever recall back on... I just... I want to be genuinely me again.

A long time ago, I spoke of having two lives, two worlds: one in Qingdao, where I was the cute and spunky little sister, and another in Irving, where I was the hardworking student. I don't want to feel split apart anymore... I just want to be whole again.

No more pretending to be the girl everyone likes, no more trying too hard to get on the path to success... I loved him so much, I think he was the only one I truly wanted to myself, but then again, I love myself so much more.

I want to move on... not just from our old bonds, but also from the beliefs and principles he transferred to me. I don't care enough to hide my appearance or lack of talents anymore. What comes will come, and I'll face it. I will rise up in my own quiet way, and I'll gain respect however I want.

Maybe one day somebody or something will be able to make me forget everything, and I will be so grateful.