It sounds really stupid and whiny, especially since I pride myself on being very self-reliant and ambitious, but I'm also a little scared of accepting their offer of admission. Part of the reason lies in just pharmacy school itself: it's a professional school, and the classes are much more rigorous. It seems like a challenge, and of course I have enough confidence in myself to be assured that I can rise to the occasion, but I'm scared of being proven wrong. What if the stress proves to be too much? What if I'm not one of those amazing undergraduate students who manage to come out alright? What if my lack of experience - in, well, anything really - completely screws me over? I'm only a sophomore. Everybody I had talked to at the interview either already had a degree under his/her belt or were going to graduate this upcoming May, and I saw from the official UNC website that only about 12% of accepted potentials were undergraduate students, which scared the bajeezus out of me, even if I won't admit it to my parents or anyone else really.
And then there's the issue of moving to another state and paying out-of-state tuition. I have to present proof that I want to stay in North Carolina in order to get the more reasonable in-state tuition, so that means I have to get a job or buy a house or... something. Maybe get a driver's license for that state..? I'm not sure. I just... I'm really going to miss Austin. I fell in love with it two years ago, and I'm settled so comfortably here. I already renewed my lease at the place I'm staying at right now too, since I hadn't entertained the possibility that I'd get accepted at UNC. Hell, I'll miss Riverside, even though I always complain about it. I'll miss my roommates and my high school friends and my FRI friends.
Of course, there's also R, who I'll probably miss like it's no one else's business. I would never relinquish such an opportunity for a boy anyway (and I know he'd never ask me to either, thank goodness), but it doesn't really make things easier. He thinks I'm wasting my potential by not pursuing medical school, but unfortunately, I also fell in love with the field of pharmacy a long time ago, starting with watching my grandmother hustle around her little clinical pharmacy, and further nurtured by UT's FRI program in which I worked with plants to produce pharmaceuticals. I never had the chance to try anything related with doctoring, so I'm not sure how I would feel about it.
My family is thrilled for me though. I know my parents were secretly half-hoping I'd get rejected from the only two pharmacy schools I applied to because I promised them I'd try for medical school if I couldn't get to pharmacy school by my sophomore year, but now my mom is practically flying over the moon, bragging to everyone that her daughter is saving her so much money by getting accepted relatively early. Anyway, it's all just a turmoil in my head. I'm so excited because I really do want to go to UNC, but then I have doubts and things I care about here holding me back...
Whatever. I'll get it all figured out. For now, here are some spring break pictures!
Eating dinner with my childhood friend and American sister!
With Mengqi-gege and his wife, me and my brother!
Eating at Kimchi in Dallas' Koreatown! Met up with B and L over the break^^
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