A List of Things That Define Me

The topic was "Who Are You?" but I felt like that angle was sort of cliche and way too boring. Although a list probably isn't the most practical format to define something, I thought that it would do a better job of conveying my personal characteristics better. (The idea was conceived while grouping body parts in different lists for Anatomy class.)

• Perfectly round money ears
• Virgin black hair
• A love for thought-provoking books and documentaries
• Cold heart (according to my mom)
• Hard head (according to my dad)
• Existentialist philosophy
• Buddhist lifestyle
• "Early bird catches the worm" attitude
• Permanently awkward skitterish-ness
• Constant "anxiarrhea" (characterized by a tendency to feel sick and fill my ass up with worries)
• A miserly temperament
• High expectations and crushing disappointments
• Strange and sudden obsessions
• Petite frame
• Truck loads of restless ambition and misguided pride
• An aversion to being looked at while eating
• Independent, strong sassy woman who "don't need no man"

Every now and then, I get these typical girl insecurities or interpersonal relationship problems or doubts about myself, but I feel like everyone hits these small little bumps down the road anyway, and in any case, those don't really define people. Maybe the big things do though, like the death of somebody I really looked up to or the decision to pursue pharmacy school.


And to everyone who cares or cared about me at one point in my life, I love you. My best friend and I were reading through our old LJ posts, and we were getting sentimental like two crazy old ladies. She has always been the best to me. We were also pointing out and laughing at the good and bad stuff (funny how we can look at a break-up and our musings and just laugh now). With the only two meaningful relationships in my life before my current one, I'm glad to have experienced them too, even if one of them was sort of a controlling, possessive, manipulative type. But I forgive him for that because he was also my best friend and helped me with a lot of things, and because in the end, I was the one to wrong him.

As for the other one, even though I'm convinced now that he only saw me as a younger sister figure (so not really a relationship, I guess), I'm glad he was always patient and kind with me. He had a lot of serious issues in his life that he never discussed, and I find it really sad now that I didn't reach out more, even when there were a lot of signs.

I do have no regrets though, and I'm proud of that. I guess I was a little scared about the whole pharmacy school thing because I saw it as a fork in the road; I might regret either path, who knows? But now I feel much better. No matter what, I'm not going to have any regrets. I don't think I should look back anyway. I love UT and its fabulous students and professors, but I'm going to live a life I love in North Carolina too, so it doesn't matter in the end.