And I torture myself

I was reading about the Vietnam War, and I fell asleep around 4 o'clock yesterday.

YH: You always told me that was a good school; that was the school you wanted me to go to. Why do you not want to go now?
Me: I don't know...
YH: Forget about what I can or cannot do. I think you should go.
Me: I don't think so, I will never see you again if I do...
YH: You would never see me anyway, xiao mei nv. What are you thinking?!

And he was so frustrated... I couldn't tell if he was angrier because I was forgetting him or angrier because I still remembered.

Then today I couldn't help it - I began reading our old emails. He was really a very good person to me...

Haha... I don't know why I do this to myself...

Tips for Success

I know that I'm not one of these amazing extraordinaires who are able to do absolutely everything perfectly, but I follow these rules generally and do pretty well in organizing and prioritizing what's important to me.

In order to be successful in school, work, and life (in general), here are a few general guidelines:

• Always take care of your hair, teeth, and skin. Regardless of whatever gender you are... these are the three traits you CAN control (to an extent, anyway), and people will always notice these. I admit, on lazy days I can hardly care less how I look... but on important days, always make sure to maintain yourself.
• Even when you are feeling like a mess, do not act like a mess. If you show how vulnerable you are to others, it's just a sign of weakness. You're going to end up losing most of your dignity. People may care and go over to coddle you - but honestly, is that the type of attention you really wanted? You have to stay strong in public, and continue to do so even when you're alone.
• Manage time well. Consider your schedule and homework when planning something else. Can you manage to do everything in one day? If not, plan to start on the important things a day before. And be realistic too. Ward procrastination off by starting on the project, whether it's through research or an introduction, that way you at least have an idea of what you're doing.
• Establish good connections with others. Don't get involved with potential enemies, and try to stay neutral in conflicts. You never know if one of your classmates has amazing connections outside of school! It doesn't harm you, you make friends, and you might get other opportunities.

Tada! That's all I can think of right now... If you have more, feel free to add on~

Sentiments and School

I cannot accomplish what I have set myself to do... I am feeling so sad right now because I have failed myself - and in doing so, I failed him... 这样过的真的是很丢脸的…… I thought that if I went far away, to a place close to his heart, I could find happiness... but I am just so distressed.

Whatever. I don't have waking time to lament what I have lost. I just got back from filming an antioxidant commercial and playing with the orchestra for Wolfpack Parent Night. I also got a 18/18 mark on my Chemistry design lab, which is nice since I worked quite hard on that. I am going to go all out for great scores on IB testing.

Lying

Jelly and I were talking about the ideal age for marriage, and then somehow I brought up YH. I don't know why I did... but then Jelly asked: "So do you still talk to him then?"

I almost choked when she asked me, because I had no clue how to respond. I just admitted that we hadn't talked in a while, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her the whole truth... We had been joking around so light-heartedly, and I didn't want to ruin the atmosphere.

Still, that felt lousy :/ Especially when she said, "Oh, I'm sure you guys are both busy with school. You'll probably meet up again years from now."

BAH. I just... can't confide in people anymore. It's alright, I'd rather them not know anyway. I shouldn't have brought it up in the first place...

Eventful Day

1. Painted my nails into a "Sugar Coat" color
2. Dyed my hair from virgin black to dark ash blonde (in other words - still dark brown!!)
3. Played tennis with my favorite Jelly^^
4. Ate frozen yogurt with my favorite Jelly^^
5. Shopped around at Ulta and Plato's Closet with that same darn Jelly
6. Watched Slumdog Millionaire with Jelly~

LOL. Pretty fun day, I guess. Now on to something productive~!

I did NACLO invitational round today

In a sea of strangers you've longed to know me
Your life spent sailing to my shores
The arms that yearn to someday hold me
Will ache beneath the heavy oars

Please take your time and take it slowly
As all you do will run its course
And nothing else can take what only
Was always meant as solely yours
-Lang Leav

Dallas Arboretum and Botanical Garden

^Turned out so orange... -_-
 

My mom and this ayi were so excited about it, haha... To be honest, I could hardly be thrilled. But seeing them gush over the flowers and admire the landscape made me feel light-hearted and content too.

^^My weakness is that when I see the people I love in my life get happy, I am happy too. But when I know someone I love had been miserable or was in pain, I feel so terribly terribly guilty...

So I was thinking about how nice it would have been if everything had gone according to our original plan, and YH was in UTA and I was in UT after just graduating high school, and we'd meet up over spring break at this beautiful park in Dallas... and just walk and talk together. But that feeling kind of faded after a while, haha; nothing like being in the present to wake you up!!

Not that I mind though. There's a dreamlike quality when I think of past regrets and ambitions, so I'd rather not dwell on that.

Anyway, spring break has been quite nice. All of the IAs are over with, all that's left is testing!! I can't wait until college!!

Whoot!

So happy!!

1. My IB History Internal Assessment came back with a predicted score of 6~
2. My IB Spanish Internal Assessment came back with a predicted score of a 6 as well~
3. Today Spring Break begins!
4. My dad is back from Hong Kong!

I am so relieved... and happy... Hard work has paid off^^