Act I

So Stupid

2012-02-09T14:59:00.000-08:00

Argh... I was really stressed last night, trying to finish Science Fair, UIL, and Physics Group IV project... Thank goodness I managed to balance it all out somehow - and still go to sleep at 9:30, haha.

But honestly, I was so furious this morning. My group did almost nothing to contribute... I did all twelve slides by myself, researching and editing and revising. So I was really angry, and felt even angrier when I asked Rudester (who was in my group) if the powerpoint was submitted, and he said he didn't know.

I mean: WHAT THE HELL. Am I the only one who actually cares about this project, the one making an effort? I later looked through the submitted portion, and realized that even though I sent the powerpoint to everybody in my group and told them to "contribute," none of them did a single thing. Everything was my own words, all written in the same exact way. Nobody added any information, nobody bothered doing the calculations, nobody even checked over my spelling or grammar...

I was so pissed off. I had Science Fair and Poetry Interpretation UIL to worry about, and on top of that, this project. It's not a big deal to do all of it by myself - I've always been the type who gets my priorities straight and my work done - but then remembering the messages Rudester was sending me, and how he had been distracting and taking my precious time away from work made me even angrier.

It's fine if you don't want to do anything or feel like you don't have an obligation, but do you honestly have to make my life more stressful too? I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PETTY PROBLEMS. There, I said it. It's always made me feel like a bad friend, the fact that I'm not good with people complaining about their personal problems, but the truth is, I have a lot of things to be concerned about, and I don't want to be troubled by anything else.

I don't even understand why people "just need a friend" to vent to sometimes. I do my "freaking out" internally, because I would never want anybody to see this horrible side of me... If they do, I always feel so ashamed and embarrassed afterwards. Yes, I have emotions, but I understand that there are times when it's appropriate to express them and times when you just need to focus.

So I really want to tell people to just get their life straight! If you complain about it, it's not going to help at all, it'll just make you sulk. If you really want to be happy, then you have to put up an appearance, act happy even when you're not, get your work done even when you don't want to, etc.

And stop moping about how your boyfriend/girlfriend dumped you or your friends aren't talking to you anymore - GET OVER IT. They don't really love you then, they aren't your real friends then, whatever! Why does it matter? Just be happy by yourself. Sheesh.

And most importantly - if you promise to do something that will affect the entire group, then do it!! If you don't mind failing, you can fail by yourself - I don't care! But I do care if my grade is going to go down as well. If you know you aren't going to contribute, then DON'T SAY YOU WILL. Because I will believe you and think you have actually done it and let you finish it up.

It doesn't matter... this whole thing will blow over. I know he's probably really angry at me right now, but I don't care because I'm probably even angrier. A member of the group who I thought would do absolutely nothing actually did even more than Rudester (and Jelly too, now to think of it)! So I'm really disappointed; I had higher expectations.

He and Jelly are still my friends, I guess... After all, friendship cannot dissipate so quickly. But I don't trust myself to talk to either of them until I'm not angry anymore... I will probably say something hurtful that I'll regret later on... For now, I'm just smiling thinly at them and pretending I've got everything covered even without their help. I'm not the type to really yell or show hateful emotions anyway, even though I really am absolutely furious just thinking about it.

And I am going to make sure to write about this in our "group reflections." There is no way that they are going to get away with this... I'm a vicious, selfish person maybe, but the truth is that none of them had any other homework or extra activities to do, and they could've helped A LOT MORE.

This was the first time I had ever felt so badly about a presentation... I just thank Buddha for Chris, Ania, Min, and Karla, who were really supportive of me when I was freaking out...

7 Most Attractive Qualities in a Guy

2012-02-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

I was inspired by a friend's list, and decided to share my own. It's kind of hard, because I've only ever liked two guys in my entire life. But I do have some definite guidelines that may be helpful to other guys' insight, and here goes!

A person who respects tradition. This doesn't necessarily mean a guy who worships ancient deities or cooks using a fire; but if somebody is able to appreciate classical music or literature, that immediately catches my attention. It's also important that he accepts his cultural background, loves his family very much, and will not pressure me for pre-marital sex (because I'm Buddhist).
A person of modesty and integrity. He is secure with himself and doesn't feel a need to constantly brag or show-off. He is also consistent with his actions, and treats everybody the same way in public as he would in private, and vice versa.
A person with either big eyes, hollowed cheeks, or a nice jawline. I will admit, I am shallow. If I ever take somebody seriously, he must have one of these three traits!! A person's physical state will always change, but his face won't... so if I'm going to be looking at that face for the rest of my life, it better be decent-looking.
A person who is not flirty, i.e. touching often. Flirty guys seem very immature and silly; they bore me. And when people touch me, they just annoy me - especially if it's someone I don't know well. I really dislike being hugged, and so I'm more scared of a guy touching me too much than him touching other girls.
A person who is talented and intelligent. These types of guys stand out in the crowd. I would never want to be with somebody who is below my level, or even just average. Intelligence is very attractive, and I think if that person excels in another field - like tennis, or the violin, or even singing - he looks even better.
A person who is carefully maintained and diligent. The only type of person I can respect are the hard-working ones. If somebody looks sharp, even if he is not that good-looking naturally, he still somehow appeals to me. I believe that dignity is also something very important; not excessive pride, but the ability to do something without getting maudlin or histrionic.
A person who always thinks ahead. No matter how wonderful a person is, that won't mean much to me if he constantly gives in to spontaneity and doesn't consider whether or not the time and place is appropriate. I like it when somebody has goals and ambitions for his future, even more so if he's very sure about them.

The most important thing, however - a person who has not wronged me. Because the minute I discovered that I have been betrayed or turned against, it is extremely easy to disregard all of these good qualities... I have never understood why people get heartbroken. To me, indifference comes so naturally when I discover that a person is not really the person I thought he was. He is no longer appealing, just pathetic. It's stupid how some people whine about being dumped or cheated on. Why would you even want somebody like that?! Haha.

My rule has always been that if a guy doesn't have the last trait, and at least five out of the seven other traits, I would never consider him because he wouldn't be able to hold my love long enough~ haha, love and respect are the two things that I give very rarely... That, and a guy should always be both older and taller than the girl he's dating.

That is all. If you would like to make a list of your own, feel free to! Tata~

Culture Night

2012-02-06T19:17:00.000-08:00

Yay for celebrating multiculturalism~ Haha, I'll probably edit back with even more pictures, but here are just a few for today.

Whew, I feel so swamped with work but accomplished at the same time. I managed to finish everything up by 9:20 PM!! That's what you call time management skills!

^Representing China~ Loh and Wei!!

^China in between Germany and El Salvador~ haha, I felt a little silly wearing a Chinese waitress qipao, but oh well! People seemed to enjoy it, and I was proud of representing my culture.

^My Polish sister and best friend~ hehe.

North Park Mall

2012-02-04T18:28:00.000-08:00

Me encantaria que sepas que lo siento por ti
Que no daria porque fueras solo para mi...
-Me Gustas Tanto, Paulina Rubio

Well, today was pretty fun!! I haven't been shopping at the mall for a long time, let alone with friends... So just going to the stores where the "young people" often frequent was quite refreshing.

H&M, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Sephora... wow. How could I ever forget how much I like window shopping/逛街?

^Lohniqua and... Erin..? Haha. Lohniqua has such big eyes and can look nice even without makeup... Typical pretty Chinese girl -_- haha.

^Lohniqua, me, and Jelly! Ms, one of my closest friends, came with us too, but she was being a little camera-shy today...

Center of the World

2012-02-01T17:51:00.000-08:00

I've never really been the type of girl who reaches out to others. I'm sociable enough, but I don't drive my actions forward enthusiastically, I guess. I'm not really sure how to explain it, except maybe with this analogy:

The girl who waits for the boy to ask her out, because she will never chase anybody for herself.

That's what I am, I guess... Quite passive in social events. I'm pretty aggressive when it comes to academic merits and scholarly competitions, but that's different. I have a hard time being a good friend.

It could also possibly be because I've never really HAD TO reach out to anybody... People always came up to me...

I don't know why I'm feeling so jealous right now. I've never been the jealous type, especially not of this petty sort. But one of my best friends, "Dragon," has two boys who are completely in love with her and probably a whole line of admirers I don't even know yet... and I suddenly feel so small.

Especially because this is the first year in high school that no guy has asked me out or even shown interest in me. Oh, and B doesn't count, because he was probably high or on medication.

Just... back then, it had always been her watching as I received attention... In the 9th grade, I even had four guys asking me out around the same time... and now I'm the one who is watching.

I reflected back on all my high school years... How I had never really paid attention to guys in any of my high school class and how I always had roses and confessions anyway.

I've only ever had two boyfriends in my life before, and the first one was hardly genuine... Well, I only went out with him for a very selfish and shallow reason... He was a senior and all my friends thought he was good-looking, and so I went out with him to make them jealous.

See? I am hardly the sort of girl anybody could like... I'm amazed my friends can even stand being around me. And then do I have the right to be jealous of my best friend, who is talented and pretty and deserves all this attention?

Argh. I don't know... I'm so selfish... Sometimes, I wish I was the center of somebody's world...

Chinese New Year

2012-01-29T17:38:00.000-08:00

恭喜发财，红包拿来~

Well, last week was the official beginning of Chinese New Year's... but today is an Awards Ritual Dinner, and so I dressed up. And beforehand, Rudester and Jelly and I got our Physics lab finished up at the library and then ate some cookies at Jelly's house and then lounged around Barnes and Noble's to look for The Picture of Dorian Grey and Jane Eyre.

So I guess it was pretty eventful. Still, sometimes I wonder if I try too hard to be perfect... With them, everything is so effortless, I don't attempt to be very serious or mature and I'm relaxing rather than fussing over schoolwork... But never mind, I'm just being silly again^^

Failure Day

2012-01-27T14:59:00.001-08:00

Wow, these "failure days" come and go a lot, but I think today was, quite honestly, the most overbearing day in my high school life. It began horribly (nausea the entire morning), and ended even worse (failing my homework and not doing good on a quiz).

Jeez... I can't seem to get Chemistry class today out of my head. I know it's just a homework grade, but... it bothers me, that I thought I had understood it but really didn't. Almost all of my answers were wrong... I only found out as we were going through it...

I didn't know until my friend told me, but my ex-boyfriend was the one grading my paper. Not that it really matters, but for some reason, I felt so embarrassed... and a little disheartened. I didn't want anyone else to witness the demise of my Chemistry grade...

I've always been so used to excelling at everything. Except maybe during sophomore and junior year, when I slacked - but even then I was considered one of the best students in easy classes like Spanish or English.

So I've compiled a list of things I absolutely want to do:

Raise both of my Math and Physics grades to a 100
Maintain a 98 and above for Spanish and English
Get my Chemistry class up to an A
Make the varsity tennis team
Earn the top three places for Poetry Interpretation UIL
Speak Spanish and Cantonese fluently
(Maybe, if I have time) Start practicing violin again
GRADUATE WITH THE IB DIPLOMA

The last one is the most important. After two years of this torture, I better get my work's due...

Working

2012-01-26T14:48:00.001-08:00

为什么人要这么的脆弱堕落……
-稻香，周杰伦

^Without makeup, I really do look like a sick person... Thank goodness for mascara and lipstick then. I really want to be pretty and over-achieving and talented, but it's exhausting and I haven't even achieved the level I want...

My computer is revived again~ Yay!

I got a 100 on my Chemistry Group IV Project, which, to be honest, really surprised me - a lot of people had really creative, awesome ideas (beancurd fertilizer, fruit batteries) and nobody else got a triple-digit grade. I think Mrs. S felt sorry for me... But she said she really liked my presentation, so I'm just glad it wasn't a failure in her point of view.

On another subject, I want to excel in tennis. That would be great, I think - I'd love to make the varsity team, but I've never played before... I'm going to start practicing often. I find that if I actually try in something, I do pretty good. Back when I enjoyed the violin, I was consistently first or second chair... If I could just be that good in tennis...

It's not like bradycardia is really affecting me everyday, but I do feel really exhausted and drained just from walking up and down the stairs. I can't wait to see the cardiologist on January 30th; then I might be able to get my physical signed and start playing tennis!

Will Do, Will Do

2012-01-24T17:40:00.000-08:00

I hear the sirens but they pass me by
My hazard lights are flashing, somebody, anyone...
-Babysteps, Varsity Fanclub

I wonder... Did Yuhao know that, from the moment he taught me Buddhist principles, I became a different person? That I felt secure in my future afterwards? Did he ever realize I was striving so hard for perfection so that I could match up to him?

Of course, I could never have told him that, no matter how tempting. He was my partner-in-crime and mentor - and I never wanted to ruin that.

Sometimes... it would be so much easier to like somebody else... But I know myself... I like to use people, and I would be so ashamed if I ever used somebody to achieve something else...

Haha, I'm in a strange mood lately^^ I want to go back to Qingdao again, but I don't know how much it would change for me... Without the spirituality and the en, the mountains and the sea might not be so appealing anymore... The kindergarden might just make me sad instead.

At least I have my memories... My Qingdao plans might be ruined, and I may not get that internship for a sales assistant in Shanghai, and maybe I won't make it to Hong Kong University, but I'm still going to advance and strive for the very best I can be.

Dream

2012-01-22T13:03:00.000-08:00

Last night, I dreamed that YH and I were sitting in the school cafeteria... He was sitting across, just looking at me intently. I began talking, and he kept his eyes on me.

I guess it was a really simple dream at first, but then I began crying in the middle of the conversation and asked him what death was like.

Pathetic, just... absolutely pathetic. I've been reading too much about life and death and philosophy overall lately, maybe that's why.

Anyway, he just told me, "别急" and to not cry because it wasn't that big of a deal. He was just kind of looking at me with concern, his head slightly tilted...

I woke up, so depressed. I miss our old conversations about life and being able to meet his eyes like that.

Books to Recommend

2012-01-21T07:25:00.001-08:00

I guess I'm really odd in that I love reading, and even odder in that I only enjoy reading "classic" novels.

To be honest, I'm not even sure what that really means... Only that most teenagers don't appreciate these novels, and would rather read trashy or mushy crap like Twilight (yeah yeah, I'm such a hater)... I tend to think of "classic" novels as books that completely transport you to an interesting and different time and setting in our history, whether it's the Victorian ages in Britain or the Cultural Revolution in China, and has some great themes.

But here is a whole list of books I would absolutely take to college with me, because I enjoy reading them again in my very few moments of spare time.

西游记 (Journey to the West) by Wu Cheng'en. China; 1590's (?). I usually don't like fantasies, but I've loved this story ever since I was a little girl and watched the cartoons all the time. Sun Wukong, the Monkey, makes some great mischief to ruin the heavens, and I loved the part when Buddha traps him under a mountain as punishment for his arrogance. The story is admittedly a little repetitive, which is why I only really like the first portion, but all of the characters have such humane characteristics for demons and religious figures, and these flaws make them so endearing. I especially love how Sun Wukong, though more mature later on, never loses his impudence throughout the story.
红楼梦 (Dream of the Red Chamber) by Cao Xueqin. China; 1791. This novel is almost satirical, and contains a lot of examples of expected behavior back in aristocratic society. The bond between Baoyu and Daiyu is a strong spiritual connection, and there are so many good motifs running throughout the story: flowers, dreams, etc. It's really quite tragic and moving, and love stories usually bore me, but this one genuinely made me feel sad for the characters... YH introduced me to this classic, and I'm so glad he did.
The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. France; 1844. This one's a great adventure classic; I adore Edmond, who is both charismatic and intelligent, though he has such a good heart that he is at times naive. His escape from prison is very clever, and the novel gets really good when he comes back for vengeance.
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. United Kingdom; 1847. I love the characters; Catherine's selfish and petty, Heathcliff's wrathful, their children are okay, and everyone else is ehhh. Catherine and Heathcliff together is great and all-consuming, which shows a fascinating dark side of love. Not to mention I have a thing with vengeance - so when Heathcliff comes back with the intention of wreaking destruction in everybody's peaceful lives, I was absolutely thrilled.
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. United Kingdom; 1859. Sydney Carton is the most epic character ever. And it's touching how unrequited love can do so much. Madame Defarge is also really creepy, but I love reading about her hidden personality and her knitting. Not to mention how interesting (and bloody!) the French Revolution seems when reading this book.
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Russia; 1866. This book influenced me a lot through moral ideologies, haha; I take up Raskolnikov's belief in the extraordinary vs. ordinary, though probably not as far as he took it. Anyway, I found Raskolnikov very charming and likable, albeit insane, the murder scene at the beginning was great, and his horrid paranoia at getting caught as well. The ending was also very touching.
Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy. United Kingdom; 1895. I felt like this book was also a satire criticizing conservative views. A whole family was ruined by unforgiving society, and the climax was really shocking. The way Sue tortured herself after what happened was also very dramatic, and I felt so bad for both Jude and Sue. I thought Sue was a very interesting character; she had her own ideas and an unusually mercurial temperament. Jude was likable enough, but kind of boring.
White Fang by Jack London. United States; 1906. OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE THIS BOOK. It was the first book out of all of these I had ever read. My mom bought me the unabridged version when I was 8 years-old, and I finished it by the time I turned 9. It got me obsessed with wolves for the longest time, haha. I loved reading about White Fang living with the Native Americans, that was the most interesting part for me.
I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith. United Kingdom; 1948. The setting is a romantic castle around the 1930's, where a family lives in poverty because the father is an insane but brilliant writer who hasn't produced something in years. I love it because I can relate so much to the writers in the family (the narrator, Cassandra, and her father) and all of the characters have their own little quirks, which I really loved.
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden. United States; 1997. This takes place around the World War era in Japan. I usually don't like first person narratives, but Sayuri made everything so absorbing. The way Hatsumomo is always trying to ruin her rivals is a lot of fun to read about; I was almost sad when she left. I also really liked the Chairman and Nobu and Mameha. And Mother's constant avarice serves as a comic relief throughout the story.
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie. France; 2000. This is a contemporary novel taking place during the re-education of the Chinese Cultural Revolution. The characters' fascination of foreign ideas in forbidden novels is relatable, and the Little Seamstress' dynamic change struck me as something admirable but also sad. She's so independent and intelligent (after being introduced to western ideas), but... you can't help feeling sad for the way she just left, especially after everything Ma has done and felt for her.
The Piano Teacher by Janice Y.K Lee. United States; 2009. Though it's modern, the story goes back to British Hong Kong during Japanese occupation. I've always found this part of World War II interesting, and it was made even better by Trudy Liang, an extraordinary, charismatic, beautiful young woman who is forced to make hard decisions during hard times. Both Will and her make some sacrifices, but her side is the most tragic of all. I found Claire boring as a narrator, but then again, I think she was used as a contrast with Trudy.

I would also recommend Harry Potter series (J.K Rowling's style of writing is amazingly engaging), Chronicles of Narnia series (I have them all in Chinese too!), and Lord of the Ring series (I bought The Hobbit for YH in Chinese because we both have similar taste in books and he never really read the series).

Books I DON'T recommend:
-Jane Eyre. I find all of the characters boring and unlikable, and the story itself doesn't seem that engaging... I know there should be plenty of excitement, especially at the climax with the burning house and stuff, but I simply can't read up that far without getting bored. Which is odd; everyone in my family thought I'd love the book, but I really didn't enjoy it.
-Hunchback of Notre Dame. My brother bought me this book for Christmas because it seemed like something I'd like, and that's the only reason why I keep attempting to read it... It's already my fourth attempt; I stop at the next chapter, put it down, and don't look at the book again until two weeks later or something. Maybe it's just Victor Hugo's style of writing, but for now, it's boring and just filled with descriptions of the cathedral.
-Barsoom series. This is part of the "Martian Tales" book my Dad bought me for my birthday; he thought it would pique my interest since it's considered pretty classic (early 1900's anyway), but he neglected to take into account that this is sci-fi. I skimmed through it, tried to read "Princess of Mars," and then gave up. Early sci-fi always just seems too ridiculous to me.
-Twilight series. It's just... GAHHH infuriating for me to read. I simply can't understand why it's so popular! And then my friend recommended it to me too, and she usually has good taste, and... asdfjkl; then again, a lot of people hate on it too, which reassures me a little. Anyway, I hate the first person point of view because Bella seems stupid, I don't understand Edward at all, and I already forgot the rest of the characters because I didn't like any of them either.

Stereo Hearts

2012-01-20T16:42:00.000-08:00

If I could only find a note to make you understand
I'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hand
Keep it stuck inside your head, like your favorite tune
And know my heart's a stereo that only beats for you...
-Stereo Hearts, Gym Class Heroes

I've been feeling a little dizzy and sick lately, and here I finally found out the reason why.

The blood test results came back, and it turns out that I have an underactive hormone gland, which is causing bradycardia. Thank goodness it's not a serious issue...

I also just found out I'm ranked 10 now. I let my guard slip, and now the guy who used to be behind me is now in front, which is rather embarrassing. Hmm... I don't like double digits. I preferred being called "Miss Ranking Number Nine" rather than "Miss Ranking Number Ten," as my lovely Korean friend Sw has coined me.

Anyway, it's getting me a little worried... I WANT A TOP TEN MEDAL WHEN WE GRADUATE. I don't want to be just one out of the top 10%; I want to be one of the very best. I can't let myself slip any further...

Unfortunately, my little health scare is preventing me from dealing with stress very well. My body doesn't seem to be functioning quite as well lately; I tend to feel very tired by the time it's lunchtime, and it aches everywhere. I can't wait for the medication to arrive.

Regardless, I'm going to make sure I stay up there in the top ten, and tomorrow I'm going to go to the library to study with my Physics pals.

I Dunno

2012-01-16T11:38:00.001-08:00

Please remember - to always take care of yourself! Eat healthy, sleep healthy, live healthy. Health is an important thing we always take for granted.

Physics Pals

2012-01-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

如果大海能够换回曾经的爱
就让我用一生等待
-大海，张雨生

So to celebrate the ending of our English IOC's, Jelly, Rudester, and I went to the local Korean supermarket - DUN DUN DUN. These are my absolute favorite Physics people, so it was a lot of fun. Especially as we made Rudester progressively gayer picture by picture. Ahh... that was awesome.

^Rudester: "I look... so gay."
Jelly: "No you don't... Not yet, anyway. Here, let me write in pink."

^I decorated this one^^ With Rudester's help. He's the one who wrote the scary-looking "light" under my face.

^Hehe^^

^BROS. GE MEN-ER. HERMANOS. HYUNGS. Boom, got it in three languages!

And I have a special message for Rudester.

Stay strong, okay? Even when things seem to be getting at its worst... After all, strength is what differentiates the extraordinary from the ordinary.

I'm not the most motivational/inspirational person - actually that's an underexaggeration since I find it hard relating emotion-type stuff. But I have a firm belief that the extraordinary people are the ones who are able to overcome obstacles, succeed in life, and help others as well as themselves...

Anonymous Note

2012-01-12T18:50:00.000-08:00

This is the note I found today in my pencil box in Math class:

"No matter what, be happy. There will always be someone that loves you."

It was unsigned, but I think I know who it is... And I am touched, even though that person is only repeating something I've always known.

I will have my family and friends who love me, no matter what. There is such thing as unconditional love, and though I am not a particularly religious person, there was once a boy who made me want to become Buddhist and ever since I've never gone back. He made me believe in spiritual matters that transgresses past a simple moral structure. He also let me understand what real love means, and because of it, I have never been able to let go of him.

I miss YH everyday. I still dream about him all the time. But I'm not unhappy, even though it always feels most painful at night when my mind is free to wander. Moments like now, I guess.

The secret is: I am rarely ever as happy as I appear, especially in school or at home with my family. But when you act happy, others are affected and have lighter spirits, and then you are cheered up as a result as well.

It doesn't matter that the effect is only temporary; after all, isn't that what we're all aiming for in this world? Just being content for the time being.

I am still in love with a person whom I will never see again in this lifetime. It hurts sometimes, but for the most part, I am happy with my life. For now, I only have my memories of him stored away. Right now, my only goal is to rise to the top.

Foreign Powers Rushing to Stake a Claim in China

2012-01-07T10:03:00.000-08:00

"The Russians had initiated the first attack, jealously followed by the Japanese. The Americans were next, but according to Russian accounts, they could find nowhere to hoist the Stars and Stripes, as all of the most obvious vantage points on the wall were already occupied by Russian flags; the Russians last saw them trudging off in search of a fitting flagpole. Meanwhile the British entered, almost unopposed, through a sewer, their only fatality a victim of heatstroke." - Soldiers of the Sun by Meirion and Susie Harries.

HAHAHA I love this quote^^ The image in my head is too funny...

Anyway, it's been really busy lately, IB is really kicking my ass but I'm trying my best to fight back!

Chemistry Group IV Project - Experiment on natural factors that affect the pH level of freshwater; testing artificial rain (carbonic acid) vs. forced algae bloom (nitrates and phosphates) using filtered water from our local canal. Isn't it interesting, the fact that my study on the natural environment utilizes the unnatural??
History Internal Assessment Paper - Answering the question of how western powers influenced Japanese imperialism during the late 19th century; the above quote came from my research. Personally, I find the topic fascinating, but then again, that's why I chose it.
English IOC - I signed up for Wednesday, 8th period - during my tennis class. The excerpt is selected at random, but I'm preparing very carefully right now by reviewing all the poems and passages we've ever gone over in class.
Spanish Internal Assessment Debate - 15 minutes about a global issue. Haven't decided between how California's Proposition 19 affects Columbian drug-trafficking or the pathological issue of anorexia and bulimia... But whichever one I do, I'm going to make sure my point comes out as clear, concise, and interesting!
Theory of Knowledge Extended Essay - Yes, I guess I've already submitted it in, but I'm not really satisfied with my current predicted grade... I see a lot of errors already; I think I should focus more on the religion itself rather than the moral aspects pointed out in the religious literature. My topic is how Buddhist virtues are reflected in its literature, and how this affects the East Asian society.

On the other hand... college updates, I guess. I got accepted into UT Austin (top 8% automatic acceptance, not a surprise there), just waiting for scholarship offers, if any. NYU Polytechnic Institute not only accepted me but also offered me $19,000 per year; that's $76,000 for four years.

Still waiting on Rice University (my first choice), Stanford, and Hong Kong University... Chances are, I won't be able to go to HKU because I feel like it's too big of a transition in the first year. But it's worth looking into, right? And if I get accepted into Stanford, there's no way I can't go. As for Rice, I would gladly attend as well if I got accepted, even if my dad tries to deter me.

Ah, I can't wait for college. But first I need to finish up all of my IB coursework and live a good high school life. I have to go out and tutor two young ladies Chemistry and Physics in about an hour; until next time, I guess.

IB Chemistry Class

2012-01-01T11:11:00.000-08:00

^This was taken on the day of Chemistry finals, before winter break. Our class is wearing our IB Nerdy tshirts that we loyal Chemists designed! I love this picture so much... We girls tricked the guys into staying turned around for the picture, hehe, while we made silly faces^^

I am so fond of my Chem. class, more than I can (or am willing to) say. We are a small team and we're still alive and kicking even after three years of studying the hardest subject.

Random moment of appreciation and precious memories. Now I'll go back to my usual studious self.

Lovely Christmas Day

2011-12-26T11:59:00.000-08:00

Winter days are so lovely... I've always preferred summer because that's when my birthday is, but winter brings out a soft sort of nostalgia in me that summer can't quite replace.

Other times, (especially during the fall/November phase) whimsical notions are just so depressing... I think about how testing and school never seems to end, how I haven't seen my brother in such a long time, how I might not get a scholarship to my ideal school... I think about how pathetic I may seem in comparison to the real "superstars" who is able to achieve everything and nourish their talents and hobbies...

But during the winter, I finish up my work very easily and I go back to dreaming. Sometimes, it's as if he's never gone... And my Chinese family and friends are so 热闹，so happy in a way I can't even quite describe in English... It makes me so happy too.

^Me and my cousin Angela, near a water refining processor.

Merry Christmas!!

2011-12-25T11:55:00.000-08:00

It's the most beautiful time of the year
Lights fill the streets up with so much cheer...
-Mistletoe, Justin Bieber

Ugly Christmas sweaters... Cold weather... Family... Gifts...

I miss him every day, but today it doesn't matter. It's meant to be a festive day, and it will be^^

Banana-Mango Pudding!

2011-12-23T10:53:00.000-08:00

I put my own spin to the original Hong Kong dessert~

^After boiling milk and water, I stirred in the mango gelatin powder and added smushed bananas. Then I put it in a bowl to cool.

^After leaving the bowl in the fridge for a few hours, I took it out and added a spoonful of evaporated milk to sweeten it.

^This is the end result! Added some sliced bananas and put it in my bento box. Cute, no?

Mushroom Earrings

2011-12-21T09:09:00.001-08:00

I'm like Inception, I play with your brain
So don't sleep or snooze...
-On the Floor, J-Lo (feat. Pitbull)

^Got these cute earrings from Claire's, for only $5.50! My eight year-old cousin got them for me~

Forever 21 Heart Earrings

2011-12-20T12:46:00.000-08:00

Haven't been in the mood to blog for a while, so stressed, IB is really kicking my butt, but it's okay because I'm slowly adjusting and conquering over it again! And now that finals is over, it gets me more time to be away from school - yay!

^Helena got me Forever 21 earrings for Christmas~

NHS Babysitting Volunteer

2011-12-03T11:17:00.000-08:00

^Peggy, Ziyi, and me. Us Chinese peeps YUHH. Ziyi (the little boy) just came from China, so he doesn't know a lot of English. Since I'm the only one who speaks fluent Mandarin, I monitored him the entire time. Not that I mind, he's such a dearie that I ended up christianing him as my "didi" (affectionate way of saying 'little brother' in Chinese) by the end of the night.

^Dressing him as an elf!

NHS Parent's Night Out was a great success, to my delight! Definitely not a waste of time; there was plenty to do, and I had a lot of fun with the kids.

A Letter to My Mom

2011-12-02T12:35:00.000-08:00

I'm the writer who lost his purpose
The end of this novel, how am I supposed to write it?
-Fiction, B2ST

^^Chinglish, hehe.

I don't know why I feel so sad and contemplative lately... Maybe it's stress or maybe there's a deeper reason. Well, whatever the reason, I'm going to deal with this my own way. I got my priorities all mixed up last year, and that was why I messed up a lot of things on my agenda. Never again. My life is fixed and almost perfect now, I don't want any more trouble.

At school, I try not to sulk because I don't want to bring my friends down and arouse suspicions, but at home, all I ever want to do is just lay on the bed and read and sleep. Of course, thank goodness SAT prevents me from doing so: I study instead, and that's definitely more helpful.

Even still, I'm so glad my family isn't really home to see this... I don't want them to see me like this. My dad will be back soon though, and my mom as well, so... I better straighten myself up.

Rice University Supplement

2011-11-30T11:58:00.000-08:00

I submitted a Chem Cat joke as the 2-D image that appeals to me.

Good idea? Or no? Huh. Oh well, I thought it was pretty clever...

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T12:19:00.000-08:00

My dad is coming back for Thanksgiving! Yay~~

America's Recycle Day

2011-11-22T12:23:00.000-08:00

Everyone tells me that I can't do
What you do
Don't make me laugh
I do what I want...
-Huh, 4minute

A fun Eco-Club activity where we encourage recycling and reusing old materials around Valley Ranch! Passed out flyers, helped discard paper properly, took in batteries to prevent toxic poisoning, etc. It lasted the entire morning and then we ate pizza afterwards.

Fun day!

When Describing Life

2011-11-18T12:01:00.000-08:00

I've had foolish fancies that turn into dreaming,
but never believed a dream could be like this:
I am fair, fair, immaculate,
the room pure, pure perfection,
with the lovely silk cushions,
and the joy-of-love quilts,
and these elegant footsteps were so unhurried,
these whispered words most enchanting.
What I described didn't seem to happen rapidly,
but then, strangely, became only temporary,
and I woke to nothingness,
suddenly aware that all is
an empty illusion...

[Written by Erin Wei. Inspired by Buddhist texts.]

^^

2011-11-14T12:55:00.000-08:00

Yuhao: "It's so cold in Qingdao right now... I don't know how it is in Dallas, but be careful not to catch a cold. Dress warmly, and don't make me come ten thousand miles to check!"
Me: "Don't be silly!! It's as warm as Mexico down here! Why don't you get out of Russia and come ten thousand miles to party in paradise instead!"

Out of all my friends in China, he is the only one I have still managed to keep in contact with... With the others, I feel more awkward and serious all the time. Thank goodness for Yuhao-gege^^

Typical Drama

2011-11-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

B tried to kiss me in Physics today - in front of everyone. That was kind of really weird and awkward... Well first, I'm impressed with his audacity but I don't appreciate the attention. Just like how I'm flattered that he thinks I'm attractive but I don't reciprocate his feelings.

Sw, one of my close Korean friends, later told me that he asked B why he tried to kiss me. B's reaction was apparently something like this:

"Uh... I don't know. Instinct?"

Huh. At first, I was just a little annoyed at his persistance especially because I wasn't encouraging him at all, but B kept talking to me and then he said some things about my best friend that really really REALLY made me kind of furious. I was going to reject him anyway, but the things he said just convinced me even more that I was right.

See, the thing is: I don't want any drama in my life. I'm a very practical, independent person, and I prefer to not have anybody relying on me too much for his/her happiness. It makes me a little uneasy.

Another thing is the fact that I could never get into another high school relationship again. No high schooler has caught my attention the same way my former boyfriend/best friend had, and I am more focused on finishing my education properly. I want to be the best I can be, and I don't want anybody dragging me down.

Hehe

2011-10-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

It's so funny how Yuhao and I have all of the same books on our shelves... I have Wuthering Heights, Count of Monte Cristo, A Tale of Two Cities, Phantom of the Opera, and Crime and Punishment on my shelf. He has the same - only in Chinese.

Then he has 《西游记》 and 《红楼梦》. Well, maybe it's not so much of a surprise that I have these books too, seeing as they're two of the four great classics, but I happen to have Journey to the West in English translation as well as Chinese as well! Hehe. So it's pretty cool to compare our collections over the webcam.

I've never known any other person who likes the same classics I do, let alone someone close to my age. I mean, he's only two and a half years older than me, even if he is in college. So I was really amazed.

Me: "We're probably going to marry each other when we grow up."
YH: "I think so too."
Me: "I feel bad for you. You're going to be stuck with me forever."
YH: "That's alright... It could be worse."
Me: "How?"
YH: "I could be stuck with someone who isn't you."

That really made me brighten up. It sounds like a line from a classic novel, something I would love to read^^

A Rock in the Stream...

2011-10-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

从你眼睛看见自己
最幸福的倒影
我在手心的默契
是明天的指引……
-我爱你，S.H.E

A constant presence in a fast-moving life. That's what I am to Yuhao, apparently.

Do you believe in an "en"? He said that's a karmic bond that lasts an entire lifetime... It doesn't matter if you believe you'll never meet a person again; something ties you together so you'll always come back.

Maybe it's not real... but the way he talks makes me want to believe it's real.

I place so much faith on science in the natural world around us that I could never possibly be a real Buddhist in and out, but sometimes I really wish I am more than just a human and more like an Enlightened entity. I would make things happen on their own, rather than depending on circumstances and fate. Wouldn't that be nice?

哦，命运…… 在这世界上，在这生命里，我代表什么呢？

Fall Concert

2011-10-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

As a senior, I feel like every event is going to be my last... And it's true. I will never have a fall concert again. So I'm just glad I had a good time!!

^With Megan, my Chinese sister!

^With Ania, my Polish sister!

^With Karla, my black sister!

^The seniors!

^The Asians!

Homecoming

2011-10-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

I wanna rock...
-Bang Bang Bang, U-Kiss

It was pretty fun!! Too loud, too much dancing, but being around friends was nice at least^^ I'm only a little disconcerted at the fact that people believe my "date" and I are going out. That's definitely not true; I only agreed to go with B because the tickets are cheaper if you buy them as a couple.

But here's a nice picture.

I definitely want to try this again some time! Prom, maybe? Last and first homecoming ever~~

Pumpkin Dash + Homecoming Decorations

2011-10-08T12:30:00.000-07:00

NHS/Eco-Club volunteer activity where we pass out water bottles to runners in the marathon and cheer them on!

And, of course, we get free breakfast.

^Me, Alex, Ellie.

Afterwards, we went on to decorate the hallways at school for homecoming. Our theme this year is Candyland; my friend designed the entire mural, which takes up a huge portion of the wall. It was really impressive.

And it made me feel pathetic, especially since I was only able to paint in the mushrooms and candy canes. Well... what can I say? I'm not an artist.

Dongbei Dinner

2011-09-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

It's okay if you're not too tall, like Napoleon
Like a bad boy who'll take over the world, don't hide like a coward
That's right, the one I need is a black knight...
-Pretty Boy, 2NE1

^Me, Lynn, Helena, and Sherry.

Las chicas chinas fueron al restaurante a comer anoche~ Oh, los echo de menos^^

On another note... WHY DO I ALWAYS LOOK SO STUBBY, FAT, AND SHORT NEXT TO MY CHINESE AMIGAS. It annoys the crap out of me. -_- They're too thin and pretty.

Courage

2011-08-15T06:03:00.000-07:00

Hehe, I finally got the courage to email Yuhao-gege.

He's my coworker back in Qingdao, the only other teacher assistant besides me there, and he does the theater/drama department.

All of my other coworkers (who are all girls) think that he's super attractive. Which... is kind of weird for me to think so, because he's my best friend in China and always acts like an older brother, but they think that we're like a couple since he always takes me out to karaoke or dinner or mountain-climbing after a long day of work.

Well, I have to admit - when I write it out like this, I see how it must seem to them.

But anyhow, despite all the time we spent together for those two months or so, I can't seem to be casual when it comes to the little things. Like taking pictures together, or sharing contact information, or... BLEH whatever.

It frustrates me really badly, because out of all the new friends I made in China, I want to keep him the most.

I've emailed Eueu (the English teacher I was assisting), Zeny, and even chatted with Yongqiang-gege (the guy who rides the bus with me every morning so I won't get lost) through this Chinese chatting system, QQ... but not Yuhao-gege.

Eueu told me that Yuhao-gege seems a little more lonely at the school without me, more quiet anyway. He probably misses having somebody his age to talk to.

That was the push I needed to gather the courage to finally email him. I mean, I had his email and everything, I was just too apprehensive of how our friendship might change overseas...

But I'm relieved to find that it's just the same. We still crack jokes about the principal, debate about the government (he's so commie!), and discuss our favorite literature classics - not to mention complain about our lives, which happens to be my favorite hobby of all. And I love it when he talks about Buddhism too, it always inspires me artistically and creatively.

I'm getting a QQ so that I can chat with him now... It's currently installing. Whee~!

Lesson learned: Cowardice can ruin so many opportunities. If there is little to no risk, take the damn chance!!

Good Food of Qingdao

2011-07-30T08:32:00.000-07:00

One of the best parts about this trip:

(好一家) Hao Yi Jia

(干味拉面) Ajisen Ramen

(美美地) Mei Mei Di

China

2011-07-27T16:48:00.000-07:00

I'm back from Qingdao. Everything feels a little different; I'm a little tired, miss the good seafood and comfortable weather and friendly people.

But I guess home is still the best place to be.

Birthday Gifts!

2011-06-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

^An old friend of mine sent me these cute Forever 21 hair clips!

^My best friend sent me a cute compilation of assorted goods: Cucumber/Melon nail polish, gel pens, a mechanical pencil, an eraser, and a birthday card^^

Another friend sent me a huge box of Hello Panda chocolate snacks, my brother bought me an USB device, my father bought me a new laptop (*squeal*), and my mom bought me a $60 jacket. My neighbor also bought me three musical films that I had really wanted to see earlier, so I was touched.

Overall, it's a pretty good haul. I don't expect much as I grow older, but I really appreciate the effort! Thanks, guys!

Happy Birthday

2011-06-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

To me.

I am now 17 years-old, which is a terrible change from the delightful number of 16.
15 and 16 were nice. But now that I'm turning 17, I feel... so old. I never thought this day would come - I never imagined that I'd be able to live up to this age. Haha, I always imagined some tragic car accident would occur or something while I'm some crazy teenager. But now it's here, and I've managed to survive.

Went to volunteer in the morning, then hung out with a couple of my friends at the mall for a middle school reunion. It was nice seeing everyone~ we really have changed a lot, I think. Except I still feel the same, so maybe not.

^Jane, Brian, me, and Min.

Why, I never!

2011-06-21T05:45:00.000-07:00

I'm just a symptom of my time
Just a victim of my mind...
I'm inescapably obsessed
With the thoughts I have repressed...
-Symptom of My Time, Marie Frank

These past few days have been busy in a fun way. My best friend and I were supposed to go to a community college library together for extended essay research, but since it was closed, we ended up just eating frozen yogurt and watching The Producers.

On Father's Day, our neighbor's family and our family went out to eat at Uncle Julio's. I ordered the Vegetable Fajita Especial, which was really good! Later, my neighbor and I just hung out in her room and talked, which was also nice.

And today I'm about to volunteer for two hours at school with a few other friends... I hope that goes well!

La Di Da

2011-06-17T15:02:00.000-07:00

You and I know what it's like
To be kept down
Forced to fight
But tonight we're alright
So hold up your light...
-Lighters, Bad Meets Evil (feat. Bruno Mars)

Last night, I hung out at my favorite neighbor's house. We chatted and then watched Beauty and the Beast together. LOL it's funny how we've known each other our entire lives, and now that we're both old enough to watch pretty much anything we want, we decide to watch a Disney movie.

Today I practiced driving and my Mazda broke down in the middle of the school parking lot. Those 15 minutes of waiting for AAA were TORTURE. God, that was awful.

Went over to the local Korean supermarket later, which was nice... I bought two facial peel-offs for a total of $1, and they were delicious flavors: Peach and Plum. Yum yum, I'm gonna have fun trying those on!

有一个可爱的南韩男子，大多数我的岁，就跟着我到处都看，到处都走。That was flattering, hehe~ He smiled at me a lot and I think that sometimes my ego really does need to be boosted up by that sort of attention.

Goals for the Summer

2011-06-16T15:47:00.000-07:00

All right, all ready,
The show goes on...
-The Show Goes On, Lupe Fiasco

I hope to finish all of this before the end of summer!

Finish my extended essay first draft (parallelism between the portrayals of deities and their role in classical Greek and Chinese literature) for Theory of Knowledge class.
Research background information on Africa for English class.
Annotate Hamlet and Ake for English class.
Complete the huge Spanish packet.
Write a research paper (estuaries) for Chemistry.
Earn up to 80+ hours of CAS hours for my IB diploma.
Read The Forsyte Saga by John Galsworthy, Shanghai Girls by Lisa See, and Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie.
Lose up to 5 pounds so that I can be 101 pounds.
(Optional) Learn my All-State part for the violin.

GAHH this will be one heck of a summer.

From Seattle to Vancouver to Victoria Island

2011-06-15T12:09:00.000-07:00

Just got back last night! It was great. I've officially fallen in love with Vancouver...

Is it just my imagination or are Canadians friendlier than Americans? Wow. There was such a difference between the way people would speak to you from Vancouver to Seattle. I LOVE CANADIANS.

^A picture in Seattle, with my older brother.

^I shall miss this goofball when he goes to University of British Columbia and I'm stuck here in Texas.

^At an aquarium in Vancouver!

^Victoria Island's famous Chinatown!

Graduation Party

2011-06-08T16:18:00.001-07:00

The feelings I held onto, even if they're not love
I'll reach out for you as you swiftly fall...
The starry sky you gazed up at is pouring down...
-Starry Heavens, Kimeru

Haha, yeah, so there was a real surprise yesterday!

I was kidnapped and whisked away to my dhost's graduation/birthday party.

At about six o'clock, I was on my bed, studying for a driving permit. My dhost, whom I shall refer to as "G," rang the doorbell and shocked my parents nearly to death. I almost had a heart attack too. The scenario could've been something like this:

"Hi, Erin's mom! I'm here to kidnap your daughter. Don't worry; I'll return her in a couple of hours. My mother will drive us... Bye!"

So I was wearing my lounge clothes and was completely unprepared when all of this happened. Even though I would've appreciated at least a hint or a warning of some sort beforehand, it was really nice too. I had never been kidnapped by a friend before, and it's a good experience!

I felt really bad though, because I had nothing at all prepared... no gifts, no cards, nothing. But I'm going to make up for it! I prepared a thoughtful little gift, but I'm a little worried now that G might not like it... Now to think of it, it looks really girly. I just wanted to get him a casual little sketchbook because he's a wonderful artist and I believe he has some real potential!

Gone Swimming

2011-06-07T11:49:00.000-07:00

Looking in your eyes while you're on the other side
And I think that I got a thing for you...
-Love In This Club, Usher

So today I lounged about the pool with my number one burl~ The water was lovely and the temperature quite nice, as it was only the morning. Still, since it's Texas, it heated up pretty quickly and we spent the last twenty minutes tanning.

^Frizzy hair after the pool, haha. I'm going to turn as orange as an oompa-loompa.

I was going to go to my favorite dhost's birthday/graduation party today too... but unfortunately, my last ride bailed on me. Gah, that sucks, but I'll send him a gift anyway!

And then my old friend B texted me today, and we had a pretty funny conversation. I forgot how silly he can be sometimes, hehe. He doesn't sound depressed or troubled anymore, which makes me really relieved.

B: "Hahah funny chipmunk erin i actually won a record in freshman yr hah and I'm too smart to be rich bud, no rice for u erin!"

Me: "You're too smart to be rich? Says the one who is looking for a min. wage job~ very funny B, no kimchi for you!!"

B: "Shut it shorter than a baby lookin and kimchi makes u look young u might need some, erin wei"

Me: "Go away with your old wrinkly self"

B: "Why don't u help with the spanish test tommorrow before i come get u bud gapjmpgwjwkgjmgmpd"

Me: "You better not be high or drunk, B!!"

B: "And if i was! U will drive me home thx.. Imma rob yo house erin hahah"

Me: "If I ever drive you anywhere, it'd be straight off a cliff! And if you broke in my house, you'd probably just take my dog, haha"

B: "Aw thx erin u will feel guilty tho tsk tsk and yea tasty dog! Right?"

Me: "Nah, maybe just a little guilty, but I'll survive. And you would know how dog tastes, you're Korean!"

B: "Heck yea! daisy stew hahah jkin but thats cruel erin! No eggroll for u!"

LMAO. I laughed so hard at the "Daisy stew" part... Hahaha. Well. Koreans. What can I say? They're hilarious!

Sushi With My Favorite Dhost

2011-06-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

Nice guys finish last
That's why I'll treat you like trash
It's not what I really want to do...
-Nice Guys, Chester See (feat. Nigahiga and Kevjumba)

My favorite senior dhost rode his bike over to my house today! I have to admit, I was really surprised at his endurance... especially since we walked over to the restaurant Yummi Sushi right afterwards.

^Both of us really hot and sweaty after the walk... -_- Texas heat. Also, I'm terrible at taking this type of picture - I always cut off my own face!

I had a really nice time, teaching him how to eat sushi (which he failed at, haha) and talking about our summer plans. Afterwards, we walked around the neighborhood - again! - and he mostly talked about music and I mostly listened.

Overall, it was a very relaxing day and I'm glad I had that opportunity to catch up. This dhost is more interesting and vivid than a lot of other people, and I will miss him next year.

Brother's Graduation

2011-06-05T15:39:00.000-07:00

Always knowing we're gonna be fine
Feeling great, feeling alive
Never coming down from this mountain we're on...
-On the Ride, Aly & A.J

I had to do some NHS volunteering, and conveniently enough, it was for the 2011 graduating class which my brother happened to be in... So I got to complete my hours while watching him graduate.

It was pretty happy and sad, I guess. On one hand, I finally get the bathroom all to myself, but on the other hand... no more rides to school. And even though I won't have him pestering me anymore, I won't have him talking to me anymore either. That's kind of a bummer... I'll really miss my older brother, who, although is not my ideal figure of a perfect brother, is still one of the best people I know in this world.

^Ellie and me~

^I look so short next to Min... -_- Well, this wasn't a clear picture anyway...

^Min's little brother distracted us mid-pose... LOL, I love how it turned out! We look so idiotic... haha^^

^My mom, my brother, and me... I really am proud of him. Truly. Even though I complain about him being a "shame" to this Chinese family since he doesn't always make straight A's... Even though I claim he's "adopted from Thailand" since he's so friggin' dark...

I will miss this loser. But for now, I have the whole summer with him.

Happy Birthday!

2011-06-03T15:18:00.000-07:00

To my lovable dad and my adorable dog~

Haha, it's funny how my dad's birthday is on the same day as my dog's... Weird, huh?

Well, Kev and I took Dad out to watch X-Men: First Class, and it was a pretty stinkin' good movie! Very entertaining anyway; a lot of action, not a bunch of pointless dialogue, and some eye candy. Oh my gawd, old men can be so hot sometimes... haha.

Uh. When I say "old," I mean, "middle-aged." Just a clarification.

Anyway, I also bought two pairs of socks from the local Korean market! They're adorable~

^Can't wait to actually wear them one day! Haha~

I also just wanted to say... that I really admire and respect my dad. He worked really hard to get where he's at right now, and he grew up in a poor family... He's always been my ideal father figure ever since I was little, and now that I'm older, all of his qualities are exactly what I'd look for in a future husband. So thanks, Mr. Wei Taoyan... Haha (personal joke fail?).

No dedication to my dog, unfortunately. As much as I love my darling little devil, she's not that special... heheh.

Last Day of School!

2011-06-02T18:23:00.000-07:00

No such thing as you lost it all
God knows even angels fall...
-Even Angels Fall, Jessica Riddle

It is my last day as an official junior... *sniff sniff* Wow, time passed by so quickly! And I'm certainly glad it did, haha~ I can't wait to just grow up! But at the same time, I get all nostalgic when I think about leaving the classmates and friends I grew up with during high school... I'll be a senior next year, and that's pretty awesome to take in.

^Polaroid pictures of Ania, me, and Annie!

^Annie and me~

^Me and Ania~

I will miss these crazy burls T_T But I know I'll see them over the summer, so not really, I guess... haha.

National Merit

2011-06-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

星期六深夜我想起了你

没什么特别，只是回忆。。。

－星期六深夜，王历宏

Well! Yesterday, I found out I got into National Merit Scholarship program's commended section... I'm pretty sure I'm not a semifinalist though; my score wasn't that good. But I was still pretty freakin' angry because the school didn't notify me until May 31st, and there was a referral deadline by May 25th, and the letter was supposed to be sent out on April 12th!

How stupid is that? The school can't even send me a letter on time? I mean, come on! A week late wouldn't have been so bad, but a whole month and a half?! Not to mention there was a deadline...

Luckily, I got it resolved by calling the program. So I asked to be referred to Rice University and Harvard. Haha, the Harvard one was for laughs, really... The two colleges I'm really aiming for are Rice University and Hong Kong University, but one of them is obviously out of the country.

Anyway, I was really touched though, because some of my classmates were furious on my behalf. In fact, one of my friends, Sw, said that I should sue the school's ass off if I could... He said that I worked so hard and I really deserve any scholarship that is coming my way. That was so nice to hear; I really needed to be acknowledged for all the effort I put in, and that was the first time in a long time I actually felt not so stupid.

Though thanks to the school's mess-up, I still kind of feel stupid.

Picnic at Grapevine Lake

2011-05-30T17:03:00.001-07:00

Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved...
-Everybody, Ingrid Michaelson

First things first: I cut off a LOT of my hair! Eek! I just put it in a ponytail and then cut it all off myself... Of course, it came out unevenly, but who cares! School's almost over, summer's almost here!

^14 inches of hair cut off and donated to Pantene Beautiful Lengths program!

^I decided to make hua juan-er for our picnic today. The ones with the green stuff are salty onion ones, and the ones with the brown stuff are peanut butter-brown sugar combo types.

^My brother and I~

^My dad and I~

^I was walking along the trail near the lake, and I noticed how much trash there was... So I went back to the site to ask for a trash bag. Then I began picking up trash for about two hours, and managed to collect a completely full bag! It was surprisingly fun^^ and I'm helping the environment too. Lucky coincidence that I happened to be wearing my Ranchview Eco-club shirt too~ Haha.

Anyway, I am so utterly exhausted... I still have to finish my World Literature paper and study for English and History finals tomorrow T_T I have so much to deal with right now, but I've been feeling much more optimistic lately than I have been for the past two weeks. Before, I always felt so drained and hopeless, as if I had nothing to look forward to... But now I'm always active and getting out of bed quickly, looking forward to the day starting. Yay me!

Siena Pasta and Pizza + Estee Lauder

2011-05-29T04:39:00.000-07:00

Let me be the one, the only one in the world
Let me be the one who cares
Let me be the one, it won't ever change
Even if I'm born again...
-Let Me Be The One, SS501

So our family went to Siena Pasta and Pizza place today, which is owned by Bruno's Ristorante... Most of the stuff on the menu seemed familiar (albeit more pizza-y), but we were all in the mood for pasta. It was pretty decent, and the prices were lower than at Bruno's!

^This was my meal. I ordered the Capellini Siena, which was some seriously good stuff. Angel hair pasta with fresh tomatoes, artichoke hearts, and capers in a garlic white wine sauce.

^Both of my parents ordered the same exact thing. They ordered Baby Clams, with white sauce over linguini.

And then we went to the mall to browse around... My dad needed to buy a suit, so I was stuck at Dillard's, bored out of my mind. I ended up going to the makeup section, despite being notoriously bad at that type of stuff.

Whatever. All I know is that when I go back to China, I want to look really pretty and glamorous, because all the Chinese girls over there are always stick-thin with a pretty face and perfect make-up.

Anyway... I'm going to the library in a few hours to study with my two favorite Koreans... That should be fun, I guess. Haha, okay, I'm getting off!

Yearbook Posts

2011-05-28T07:51:00.000-07:00

So with you I will go
On ships over seas that I now know
No, they don't exist anymore...
-Time To Say Goodbye, Sarah Brightman

Wow... This year has gone by so quickly! Junior year was the most stressful, most eventful high school year EVER - so far. I thought freshman year was pretty exciting, but this one takes the cake.

I joined Eco-Club and Leo Club, was active in NHS, studied a lot more, got into National Merit Scholars, fell in love with my best friend, made tons of new friends, freaked out way too many times for major projects and tests, and almost failed Chemistry class.

BOOM. Destructive year. Seriously. It's been like a whirlwind.

Reading the notes from my closest friends really makes me feel nice about this year though...

"Yo~ The girl on the movie we watched in English class is hot, rite? I really don't have anything to do say... um... This year was fun when I had you as slave, and I looking forward to have you next year~ Don't forget! You are my slave next year~ I hope you don't get infected by any disease in China~ I feel sorry for elementary kids whom you will teach soon~ anyway have a nice one~ Bye~!! -Handsome Guy"

"Erin ___. I can't believe we've known each other for 6 years! :) We're finally going to be seniors hehe. I'm so glad that we have each other to confide in, you always support me and give me such great advice. We might be separated when we go to college but let's always stay in touch. You're like the sister I always wanted to have. Have fun in China, I love you gurl."

"Oh my burl. Dayum gurrl! It's been so freakin' long that I don't know what to write. The first thing that comes to mind is TAKE ME TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT!! YOU TIAO!!! WO YAO FAN! WO AI NI my LOVE. Heh. We'll see each other all the time anyways. Your summer better be amazing ._. Don't forget me. DUEI BU CHI~~~ HAHAHA I butchered that on purpose!!! Well... go have fun skipping now~ I'll hit on you some more later ;)"

I think my favorite note of all is the HUGEASS page-long note that my favorite dhost and senior left for me... He's going away for a while, so that's nice.

Waiting For The Light

2011-05-26T12:52:00.001-07:00

As proof of my love,

I send to you the great aspects of life

And hope that you are happy with such a sacrifice

Because when you hurt like this,

I do too.

If you are happy,

Tears of joy will roll down my cheeks

The way a rainbow comes after the storm.

Even though

It is only just now

That I realize

What loneliness

Truly

Is.

[Written by Erin Wei. Inspired by F.I.R's song "等待黎明".]

Logan's Roadhouse

2011-05-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

我们的爱，过了就不再回来
直到现在我还默默得等待
我们的爱，我明白
已经成你的负担。。。
-我们的爱，F.I.R

Went out to try a steakhouse! I'm not so fond of heavy meats... but it was my dad's last day here for another long while, because he's going back to China for work. And he loves steak. So we ate there.

^This is my Onion Brewski Sirloin, with a side of mashed potatoes... Their signature 8-oz Sirloin Steak stacked on top of beer-braised onions, smothered with garlic butter and topped with crispy onions!

Aside from that... my brain is so crammed with random things that keep popping up... Hydrocarbons, Amitabha, conditional statement conjugations, role of society, USSR... GAHHH go away thoughts >:(

I have been working so much over the weekend... My head is about to explode with all this information. We got two huge-ass review packets for the Chemistry final (which looks super complicated, especially since I forgot most of the stuff from last semester), I've been researching my extended essay topic for Theory of Knowledge (parallelism between Greek Mythology and Buddhist gods), we have a Spanish oral final tomorrow, I need to organize my World Literature Paper I in a better way (it's the role of society in Chronicle of a Death Foretold and The Stranger), and I've been working on my History timeline for the League of Nations.

I really need a break - and no, I'm not talking about this ten-minute break right now... I feel so miserable and stressed right now T_T I need a good, long extended vacation once this is all over.

My Weight Loss

2011-05-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, so when I first started my junior year, I was at 116 lbs...

Pretty heavy, considering I'm 5 ft 2. Oh, and the fact that I'm Asian, and Asian girls are generally small and thin-boned.

Right now, it's almost the end of the year... And IB has caused me to lose so much weight that I am at a whooping 105 lbs.

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry about this. I've compromised with just a smile.

Losing weight means my face has gotten thinner and somewhat more attractive with my bangs up. But it also means I have a flatter chest.

Haha, a typical teen girl's insecurities... Oh well. I'll deal with it. It's life. With life comes stress and happiness.

Stuff

2011-05-19T14:01:00.000-07:00

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry...
-Already Gone, Kelly Clarkson

Today was quite fun^^ Senior Awards Ceremony is actually a lot nicer when you're in the gym with the seniors and not stuck in Advisory classroom... I got to hang out with friends all day.

My oppa and former boyfriend shall just remain my best friend. I love having a best guy friend, because he will always be close to me... Well, I hope so anyway, but - really, who knows about the future?

I've been busy every single day this week, but in a good-busy way. It keeps me preoccupied about the stuff that matters, and I find that all my friends are going back to me, which is nice.

^Random squirrel on my mailbox... Hahaha.

It's a great day to be a wolf...

2011-05-17T15:33:00.000-07:00

It's the simple things that you do that really hurt my feelings
The more I try, the more I'm starting to see it
This can't work any more than you believe it...
-Promise In the Dark, Keri Hilson

Well, lookie here. Kevin and Min came over today; it was quite fun. I haven't gotten as antisocial as I thought I was - even though it was a very spontaneous visit.

I also got my history quiz back - only one in the class to get a 100! HAHA - serves all my friends right for laughing at my grades earlier... -_- Now they get what they deserve!

^The political cartoon I drew for my quiz... quite abstract and very poorly drawn, but nevertheless, the teacher seemed to like it! I wonder if she noticed that France and Great Britain has no arms...

God I'm such a nerd.

Bibambap!

2011-05-15T15:21:00.000-07:00

It gets hard but it won't take away my love...
-Here Without You, 3 Doors Down

Went out to eat today because my dad returned from China. Yay, Korean food!

On a completely different subject... this is killing me... (not the food, haha)... I feel so sick and miserable all the time... I guess I should get used to it now too... but there's nothing I look forward to anymore.

I don't blame anyone for giving up on me. In fact, I'd encourage it until I stop feeling so mixed-up all the time.

Dear Revelations

2011-05-14T08:33:00.001-07:00

If I knew that you were mine,
I wouldn't have wasted time...
Now it's all collapsed in my lap.
-Collapsed, Aly & AJ

I'm not sure what's wrong with me... I think junior year is getting to everyone, but I've been feeling so distressed about everything lately. I feel as if all my friends are bringing me down, which is a really silly thing to think, but somehow I still feel that way.

The main thing is one of my friends, I think... One of them, who I shall refer to as "B", is kind of slow and doesn't like getting his work done. My best friend/boyfriend and I help him a lot, and he feels guilty for being a burden, but we would never want him to feel that way so we continue tutoring him anyway, even though nothing seems to get through to him. He is depressed and taking medication right now, but he will call me at the oddest times of day and sound unusually hyper or crazy while at it. And it's terrible, because he's my friend and I care about him, but I don't feel as if it's appropriate to tell me his feelings either...

Because he tells me things he probably doesn't mean, and I can't deal with it.

Then there's "G," who by no means is slow at all - in fact, he's probably too intelligent, and most geniuses turn out rather unhappy. His thoughts are rather twisted and morbid, and they drain me too.

Even my best friend "Dragon" wrote something about giving up on school, and the post made me suddenly feel so hopeless...

And I have some self-image problems, I think. Nowadays, whenever I see my face in the mirror or in a picture, I have to stifle the urge to cringe. I'm not sure why either... My appearance really hasn't changed very much. I haven't broke out in a serious bout of acne, nor have I gained weight... but somehow nothing appeases me anymore.

So anyway, I went to New Life Gospel Church to help with a fundraising concert... The performers were from UNT, and they were super talented... Not to mention that these Chinese girls were so gorgeous. They were tall and slender, with pretty smiles and delicate manners. It just made me even more aware of how awkward and shy I must seem in comparison to them... and it made me wonder if I could ever grow up to be as graceful as they are. When I am 20 years-old and in college, will I look like that? Will younger girls look up to me and wish they could be just like me?

I couldn't take any clear pictures of the performers, which really infuriated me... The only decent picture I had from the concert was the aftermath, when I was helping out with the food and old people... And it was of me, a really plain-looking girl. It made me so frustrated that I couldn't look good in any pictures nowadays that I just replaced my face with a stupid amateur smiley.

You know what? I actually feel better upon seeing a smiley rather than my own face... The pettiness of it all is astonishing. I always looked down on people who would cross out their face or censor themselves because it seemed so pretentious... and now I'm doing the same thing.

What is wrong with me?

Rainy Day

2011-05-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

我真的喜欢你
真想保护你
给你快乐
除了我，还有谁可以？
-打败, Energy

Yesterday was our last concert for Orchestra! Jeez, time passes by so quickly... it's a little depressing. But I sure as hell can't wait to get out of junior year! -_- Might update with some pictures later, if I look nice in them~

In the meantime, here is a little conversation between me and my best friend for some amusement... He was trying to get me to bribe him so that he'd be my lab partner in Chemistry, and the attempt was not very successful.

Him: "Wait! One more deal! I want you to text me everyday. I mean, LITERALLY EVERYDAY."
Me: "Haha, that's funny, oppa... The last thing I want to do is drive you insane."
Him: "Hehe, cute... You are already driving me insane because apparently I cannot even be mad at you for more than a week..."
Me: "Oh, that's okay. It's not you, it's me. Even my parents can't stay angry at me."
Him: "'It's not you, it's me..?' Wow, what a conceited girl!"

Update!!

2011-05-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

Tell me, is devotion a gift or a feeling
Do you wish I'd let go?
-It's Only Love, Heather Nova

Goodness gracious, I got so many things done with today - I'm so happy!

Chemistry test is off my back - that was a HUGE load of burden just gone. Half of the Math test (Paper 1 portion anyway) is also shed off, and tomorrow I just have to finish Paper 2!

This weekend has been so busy... Yesterday was Mother's Day, and I treated my mom out to a movie: Water for Elephants. I read the book already and I liked it (the antagonist is crazy-mental; just the type of character I'd like), and the movie wasn't really bad either!

I never thought of Robert Pattinson as good-looking before... but he is actually really hot when he's tan. Or maybe he's just hot when he's not a pale, sparkly, overrated vampire from Stephenie Meyer's creative mind.

Anyway, about my life, I think things will be alright. I went to a dinner party yesterday, at my neighbor's house, and it reminded me of how much I missed them really! They've always been a constant part of my life (especially since their daughter is around my age and we've both been childhood friends since we were four), but we just gradually kind of faded away and haven't talked in such a long time... until yesterday.

I blame the IB programme for that.

I also blame IB for my acne (caused by stress), lack of sleep (stress), and loss of social life (you guessed it - stress).

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES ERIN A HAPPY MISERABLE LADY.

Because at least it challenges me and keeps my brain active... If I'm not busy, I'm not happy. That's just the sort of person I am... but anyway.

I'm so angry at my boyfriend right now. Maybe soon-to-be-ex, who knows? Things are getting too complicated... I blame my complicated relationship with him on IB too. Because stress gets to both of us, and we are both intolerably intolerable when we're stressed. He gets distant, I get snappy. Then we both are happy once the tests are over, and the cycle repeats when teachers assign more work.

On Friday, I called him a "douche" kind of jokingly, but he took it seriously. On Sunday, he admitted that he thinks we are making each other depressed. It's making me very frustrated; I hate it when I feel like something is out of my control. I wish he would reach out more, but maybe I'm just too messed up to take action on my own.

I'm Such An Idiot

2011-05-06T20:38:00.001-07:00

I hate myself so badly right now for hurting him...

If it's really meant to be and if he really loves me, then he should be able to forgive me though. Right? But still... now I can see clearly how much of an immature ninny I can be sometimes.

Why can't I just admit to the general public that we are going out, that we have been going out for a while? It's not that big of a deal, right?

But every time I see a bunch of faces turning my way and a bunch of gushing going on about how "cute" or "adorable" we are, I always feel this urge to just slink away and die somewhere private...

These are not the thoughts of a mature, capable girlfriend. I need to change - not just for him, but also for my own future happiness.

Harajuku

2011-05-03T13:16:00.001-07:00

If I hurt you, then I hate myself
I don't wanna hate myself,
Don't wanna hurt you...
-Your Winter, Sister Hazel

Look, I went to T.J Max today, and bought a new bag!

^It'll be my new school tote! Great for projects and stuff~ I'm so glad I got it!

On the other hand... I pissed my boyfriend off today. A classmate of ours teased us about going to prom together, and I said, "I'd never go with that chimpanzee!"

Oh frick. I'm so immature and stupid for saying that... at least I can acknowledge it though. I know he's disappointed in me right now, and I wish I hadn't said it.

Ducks

2011-05-02T18:09:00.000-07:00

I'm stupid, I'm useless
I can't do anything right...
I'm difficult, hard to please
Forever changing my mind...
-According to You, Orianthi

^They've been outside on our front lawn for two days now... The Chinese are well-known for roasting ducks^^ If they stay out there any longer, who knows what might happen?

Bruno's Ristorante

2011-04-29T18:41:00.000-07:00

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start...
-The Scientist, Coldplay

We went out to an Italian restaurant because it was my mom's friend's last day staying here in Texas... He's returning back to China. It was a good meal.

^The Grilled Portobello Mushroom appetizer! Served with Marsala wine sauce and sun dried tomatoes.

^Sunyun Shu-Shu's amazing Bruno's special! Veal, chicken, and shrimp sauteed in a Brandy mushroom cream sauce.

^My mother's Fettuccine Alfredo with Shrimp! Tossed in a Parmesan cream sauce.

Unfortunately, I didn't take a proper picture of my meal, which was also pretty darn amazing. Dang it! Oh well. I thought I took the picture, but when I came back home, I couldn't find the file...

Irony

2011-04-28T18:37:00.000-07:00

And if this is what we got,
Then what we got is gold...
-Stay the Night, James Blunt

So, B (Korean guy) decided to tell me what he and my boyfriend were talking about during Spanish...

B: "You know what? I think that ____ would make a really good girlfriend... She's smart and good-looking enough, and she's really nice too."

BF: "Oh, really?"

B: "Yeah... You think I should ask her out?"

BF: "...do you really like her?"

B: "Well, sure!"

Later, B tells my boyfriend he was just kidding, and that I'm just a good friend.

He never realized until today that my boyfriend and I were in a relationship... Nice move, B.

Dedication to Lisa

2011-04-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, yesterday my turtle of ten long years died... It was very painful having to see her suffer... In fact, I was so angry at my mom because of it.

Lisa had been sick for a few weeks now, and my brother and I constantly asked Mom to take her to see a vet. Our mom kept refusing to listen to us, insisting that sunlight will make her better and stupid things like that. Well, guess what? It obviously didn't! So that made me really furious.

But I realized that it's kind of silly to keep blaming my mom like that... Parents always have to make tough decisions and they shoulder the responsibility for everything... It sucks.

I'm really going to miss Lisa... It's also just weird because for days beforehand, I had been having the weirdest dreams about finding a trail of dead snakes around the neighborhood. Then yesterday, my favorite amphibian was gone. Jeez.

I am just so sorry that she had to suffer for so long... but it was probably for the best.

Coins!

2011-04-24T07:35:00.001-07:00

I'm a beast, I'm an animal
I'm that monster in the mirror
That headliner, finisher
The closer, winner
That's when under pressure with seconds left I show up...
-More, Usher

Last night, we went to a party, and this veteran (?) came up to me and began talking. He heard from my mother that I love collecting coins, and he asked if I would be interested in taking some coins he still had from when he was stationed overboard during the Cold War. I'm not sure if this qualifies him as a veteran, but either way, he had a really impressive collection of coins! I'm so in love right now *_* He also gave me a bunch of U.S military banknotes (no value for me unfortunately, haha) and Japanese imperialistic banknotes, and even a few from Indonesia and Germany.

I couldn't thank him enough.

So now I have the following:

Afghanistan coin (can't read the date or value, unfortunately -_- I need someone to translate it for me!
Denmark - 5 Ore (1963)
France - 5 Francs (1947), 1 Franc (1943)
Italy - 5 Lire (1954)
Japan - Imperialist Era 10 Sen and 5 Sen coins
Norway - 10 Ore (1937)
Philippines - 25 Centavos (1964)
Spain - 5 Pesatas (1957)

Oh my god... I love history so much right now.

Contagious?

2011-04-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

You and I are black and white
I'm hot, you're cool
We're a mystery couple
-Black and White, G.NA

My boyfriend touched me on the neck yesterday. He had been complaining about a giant pimple growing on his neck.

Well, guess what? I discovered a pimple on my neck - almost in the same exact spot as his!!!

What. The. Hell.

The Best Message

2011-04-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

没有你，我会是谁？
心停在那里都不对。
-绝不能失去你， F4

This is the best message I have ever received. Trust me - any girl would be flattered to hear this... ;) Whether he is your best friend or something more, it doesn't matter. Sometimes, I think we just need to feel special...

Busybusybusy!

2011-04-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

只怕我自己会爱上你
不敢让自己靠得太近。。。
爱你也需要很大的勇气。。。
-情非得已， Harlem Yu

Okay. NHS induction ceremony today - volunteering hours available! A Chemistry lab simulation, as well as a quiz tomorrow first thing in the morning. A History project due tomorrow.

It's been crazy busy. I might update with pictures tomorrow... depends. Right now I'm just exhausted... I still have to put the finishing touches on my project...

EDIT//Pictures!

^Our group of friends! I look so awkward, haha... From left to right: Me, Peggy, Annie, Iqra, Min, and Megan.

Us Chinese~

Here I Come!

2011-04-20T13:34:00.000-07:00

I could walk away now, end it perfectly
And just say your words are not affecting me
Somewhere deep inside, I know it may be wrong
But I'm ready to commit mistake number two...
-Mistake No. 2, ATC

How can you walk away from such perfect opportunities? I just got a letter from Princeton. THIS IS THE THIRD IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL THAT HAS CONTACTED ME. Holy shit.

I've been collecting these letters. Bit silly, hehe, but I'm absolutely thrilled. Plus, I love comparing the three letters. From Yale, it's addressed to a "Ms. Erin ___" (ooh, so grown-up!) Stanford decided to mail its letter to "The Parents of Erin T ___." And Princeton's letter simply states, plain and simple, "Erin ___."

I love all this attention from such prestigious schools! To be a bit honest, Stanford's letter is pretty lame, just telling me to visit them over the summer, but Yale and Princeton really surprised me by suggesting that I apply to their universities!

Of course I know I'll never make it. But it's so tempting just to brag.

On a completely different side note, I would love to have this as my prom dress for senior year.

So elegant and classy. The color is quite nice, for a shade of yellow anyway. Too bad the model is so skinny. If only she wasn't so pretty! Then I would be able to tell if the dress would look good at me.

But then again, if she wasn't attractive, I probably wouldn't even take a second glance at the dress...

Pues, Pues

2011-04-19T15:53:00.000-07:00

I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face,
Nothing's changed, no one could take your place
It gets harder every day...
-Stay, Miley Cyrus

Today was so much fun - and then I received a certain email.

It resembled a small novel. Seriously.

But it also made me realize that I still love him too, though I'm not sure if it's in a romantic sense anymore. I absolutely don't want anything to do with him anymore, and I miss my uncomplicated, single life.

When I first went out with my boyfriend, I thought that what I always wanted was for my best guy friend to always be there for me and act like an older brother and stay in love with me forever. Now, I'm not quite sure...

What is this?

2011-04-18T13:40:00.000-07:00

I need another story, something to get off my chest
My life gets kind of boring, need something that I can confess
-Secrets, OneRepublic

^Ohhh... I crack myself up so much. Why would I wear a red and white striped tank top underneath a short blue and white collared shirt? It doesn't make any sense to me, but that was what I wore to school today.

^My favorite sophomore created this lovely drawing of me on Friday and dared me to carry it around in my binder. His attention to detail is simply exquisite... Wow, I can't believe he even gave me green teeth and scary-ass grandma hair! And I can't believe people actually commented, "Nice drawing" when they saw it... I crossed out my name several times, but I guess they still think I drew it. -_-

Anyway. I think that my life is really spinning out of control, and I want to seize it again. I can start by improving my grades, for one.

That's all I want. Really. That, and I want to stop having my pride and dignity reduced. I miss the days where I could brag freely about my grades.

Challenge Accepted

2011-04-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

我的爱 - 全都给你
我就在这里
我的心 - 不会放弃
你是我的唯一
-表白 (Off My Mind), Henry Lau

Am I insane for agreeing to another bet? Why do I keep making the same mistakes again and again?

I promised to myself that I wouldn't make another bet... they're too much trouble... and then a few hours later, BAM! I make another one.

All because I wanted a stupid answer to a stupid question that I already know... What have I gotten myself into?!

But this is why he's my good friend. He knows exactly what motivates me to study and get my grades up. I dunno... if someone ever advises you to go out with your best friend, I guess I would agree - except sometimes it might be annoying that your boyfriend knows you so well.

Anyway~ my dad went out golfing this morning and noticed that his golf balls kept moving... And then he realized it was because there was a baby turtle among his equipment! We've decided to keep him. He could be a good influence on Lisa, our old turtle.
I've decided to name him Chase... He's the most adorable thing ever! I forgot what it was like when Lisa was a baby... She's 10 years-old now, d'you know? I picked her up from the lake when I was six years-old, and now I'm 16... It's amazing how quickly time goes by!

I'm looking forward to the future now~ Finding a turtle is always a good sign, right? They live for a long time and they're so constant... And Chase is so spirited too! He really brings me a lot of hope^^

A New Leaf

2011-04-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

他走了带不走你的天堂。。。
他走了你可以把梦留下。。。
-Lydia, F.I.R

So I think I have a lot of resentment and stress building up right now, but I'll try not to let it get to me. It's kind of complicated and weird to explain, and I feel like I can't tell anyone, but at the same time, I also feel like I've been revealing too much to everyone. Here's the situation:

I am an overachiever who is currently failing Chemistry. I'm not even sure where my problem is. I'm not confused with the concepts at all; it just seems as if I keep making the stupidest mistakes on the tests.
My friend is depressed, and I don't know how to help her. I took the easy way out and sort of gave up on her, and so if she is angry at me, I completely understand.
I have a boyfriend who doesn't want to talk to me - not that I blame him. If I were him, I wouldn't want to talk to me either. But I don't know what's going to happen anymore, and that's kind of scary.

The third one sounds so stupid, like a typical teenager girl complaint, but it actually really bothers me. It seems like the best solution is to just move on, but he was also my oppa as well as my best friend and boyfriend. Not like I'm encouraging incest or anything! Mind you, we are definitely not blood-related... or related in any way at all. But he was like an older brother, the way he took care of me... T_T And I miss having somebody who is always looking out for me.

It's okay though. I try not to take life too seriously.

Look, Annie had this cute little app on her phone where it would compare your face to a Korean celebrity. She took a goofy picture of me, and these were my results. Uncannily similar, huh?